When I was little–say, between the ages of three and six–my mom liked to dress my sister and me in matching outfits. This is not atypical, I realize–lots of sub-six-year-olds get tricked into wearing matching outfits with their siblings before they know any better–but the outfits themselves were. During these years, my sister and I wore big puffy dresses with cats on them, denim overalls that were covered with butterflies, and white overalls with orange and pink flowers. (If you’re noticing an overall theme, don’t worry–I am too.)
Given that I’ve had a fairly memorable experience with matching with siblings (the years were not long, I suppose, but they were formative) I simply cannot understand why there are people who are older than the age of six–as in, grown-ass adults–who still wear matching outfits. And not with their siblings, either–with their significant other.
It’s a national scourge. I am not against coordinating with one’s bae, per se–there is much to be said for some subtly overlapping patterns here and there. It’s just the aggressive matchiness with which I take issue. Whenever I see a couple in any kind of clothing that is painstakingly cutesy and matchy-matchy, I just want to grab them by their lapels (because somehow these matching couple clothes always have lapels, you know?), give them a good shake, and scream, “YOU HAVE FREE WILL! YOU DON’T HAVE TO WEAR MATCHING OUTFITS ANYMORE! FREE YOURSELF!!”
I don’t, though. Instead, I choose to find the weirdest options of the bunch and gawk at them on the internet. Check out what might be the weirdest matching couple outfits that you will ever see in your life:
1. What is this matching T-shirt scheme implying, exactly?
2. I have questions about this one, too:
3. As you might imagine, camo runs rampant in the “matching couple clothes” community:
4. Well, they are committed to a “look.” Have to give them that:
5. Too bad that no one will be able to see them at prom, but the bounty they’ll reap at the hunting ground later will make it all worthwhile:
6. You know, if you have to get a t-shirt that says this…you should probably just save your money:
7. Ah, yes. Everyone loves knowing exactly when you made things official:
8. DON’T DO THIS TO YOURSELF:
9. It’s the “me vs. you” meme, but for matching clothes with bae (hey, as long as you’re the “me” in the equation, everything is fine):
10. Here’s a whole bunch to choose from (I am mad, bro):
11. Yeah, no:
we can't date if you try to do some shit like this pic.twitter.com/cCViLag3tJ
— Common Black Girl (@CommonBlackGirI) October 5, 2015
12. Or, you know–why not skip the whole “matching outfits” thing and go right into some sensible, timeless matching tattoos? (Just kidding. Never do this, please.)
Would you ever wear any of these matching outfits? Why or why not? Let us know in the comments!