What To Do If You Don’t Want To Be Friends With Your BFF Anymore

Hi Heather,

My best friend and I have been besties for three years now. We used to go to the same school, but I moved to a magnet school last year. My sense of humor has really changed since then, and I don’t find my best friend funny anymore. I feel like I have to laugh at her jokes or else I’ll make her feel bad. I recently went to her birthday party and I met her new friends. Every single one of them annoyed me. They seemed so prissy and complained too much. They all had really dull humor and I couldn’t even bring myself to fake laugh. They didn’t seem like our old friends my best friend and I used to hang out with. I brought some of my new friends so at least we kept each other entertained. The point is, my best friend is boring to me now, and I don’t know if I should end our friendship and get it over with, or try to cling to it.

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It sounds like you and your best friend are growing apart, which is actually a completely normal thing that happens to lots of pairs of friends when going through big transitions, like starting high school or going to different schools where you’re no longer together. You’re both growing and changing, and it seems like you’re going in different directions and meeting new and different people. As your personalities change and you realize you don’t have much in common, you start to feel distant. A fight or something dramatic doesn’t always need to happen to break two people up.

Figuring out how to handle these types of situations can be tricky and confusing. What are you supposed to do – send a quick text saying, “Hey, I don’t think we should be best friends anymore. Bye!” I get how you feel: part of you wants to end the friendship and move on, but another part is holding on because this person has been an important part of your life for a long time. It’s hard to end something you’re used to with someone you’re comfortable with.

But if you two aren’t really getting along and you don’t enjoy being friends with her still, you don’t need to hold on just because you used to be close. One of the saddest and harshest truths about friendships and getting older is that most of those friendships will end. Life is busy and short – there’s no reason to stay friends with someone you don’t enjoy being around out of pure obligation.

So, yes, I think you should end the friendship… but I don’t think you need to do something permanent or harsh. I think this is one of those situations where a slow burning out is acceptable. Unless your friend did something to hurt you, there’s no need to make her feel bad by telling her you’re bored of her and don’t want to be friends anymore. That’s mean and uncalled for. Plus, just because you don’t want to be besties doesn’t mean you two can’t be cordial and polite to each other, you know?

Here’s what you should do: focus on hanging out with your new friends if you want, and doing your own thing. Don’t text or call your BFF as much as you used to. Don’t really ask her to hang out. Put distance between you two, but not in a mean way. This slow burning out makes things pretty clear. And who knows – maybe she’s feeling the same way about you. Maybe she feels distant from you too, but also doesn’t know how to handle it. This could be the easy thing for both of you.

But if the slow burning out turns into your friend asking you what’s wrong and saying she misses you, you do need to say something. If she starts to get upset, just say, as nicely as possible, that you’re sorry and don’t want to hurt her, but you’re really busy lately and you just feel like you don’t have time for the friendship anymore. This stuff is really tough, but it happens, unfortunately. Good luck!

take care,
Heather

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  • lollipoppuppet

    See, but what do you do when you’re just tired of her acting like she’s still in middle school and not acknowledging that you not only have problems too but are actually going through a particularly tough time, and you can’t just block her out because you sit together in class and work together at a job she hooked you up with? :/ And it’s actually a trio of best friends and you’re totally cool with the other one? Like how do I get rid of herrrr?