Well, I don’t know about you guys, but I’m kind of in the mood to set something on fire and watch it burn. For, like, eight whole days (and nights). And eat some fried potatoes and chocolate that tastes suspiciously of tinfoil while I do so. But not, like, in a weird way or anything–it’s simply the reason for the season.
The Hanukkah season, that is. I mean, it is Hanukkah, after all, and that is actually exactly what you are supposed to do during this time You light the menorah–for eight days, in a row, if you are particularly vigilant. You eat delicious, delicious latkes (that, technically, are just glorified hash browns but actually taste so much better). And you play the high-stakes game of dreidel to win some Hanukkah gelt–chocolate coins–that don’t taste great, but are totally worth it. For the glory. And such is the season of the Festival of Lights!
If you celebrate Hanukkah, you probably feel like, when it comes to you and your family, each of Hanukkah’s eight nights get a little crazier. A little more meshuggana, if you will. But it’s not just you and your family! Check out the weird things that you thought only your family did on Hanukkah:
1. Argue with your siblings (and maybe parents, too?) over who gets to be the shamash-holder:
The most important job of all.
2. Set up a sick tinfoil protector on the base of your menorah:
It looks dumb, yes, but there is literally no better way to make sure that the wax isn’t a total mess.
3. You try to make your own latkes…
You can do it this year! You swear!
4. But realize that your grandma’s are actually the best:
Nothing can compare, tbh.
5. Engage the whole family in a rousing rendition of Adam Sandler’s “Hanukkah Song:”
Every version. Probably a couple times over.
6. Get a little heated during your game of Dreidel:
7. Even though you know deep down that, objectively, Hanukkah gelt is hella gross:
It’s not about taste. It’s never been about taste.
8. Because the loser has to clean up the waxy debris from the menorah:
If I start now, I should have all the wax scraped off the menorah in time for next Hanukkah.
— Puggy Claws (@LuvPug) December 11, 2013
Even with the foil, it’s still a hassle.
9. Try to conceal your eye-rolling when you get asked about when you’ll apply to Birthright for what feels like the 1,00th time:
You want to do it! Just not, like, now.
10. Argue about the correct spelling for “Hanukkah:”
Chanukah. Hanukah. Whatever.
11. Basically, just argue a whole lot:
Two Jews, three opinions, etc.
12. Live-tweet the events that are unfolding around you:
All of the family drama is Twitter gold, after all.
13. Give thanks for the various famous Nice Jewish Boys (and girls) that Yahweh has blessed us with:
Maybe next year you could bring home Dave Franco. Or Scarlett Johanssen. Or Drake. The possibilities are endless!
14. Find that, unconsciously, everyone in your family has begun to echo the roles in Fiddler on the Roof:
Except that your mom is actually Tevye, probably. Tradition!
15. Feel that strange, heady mixture of trepidation and elation when you realize that you have eight full days of this:
Happy Hannukah, y’all.
Do you celebrate Hanukkah? What does your family do? Let us know in the comments!