12 Jonas Brothers Lyrics That Are Actually The Most Savage Breakup Texts

If I were to be completely, 100% honest–which I almost always refuse to be–I’d have to say that, deep down, the one thing that I crave most of all is to break up with someone via text message while exclusively using lyrics from Jonas Brothers songs.

I can’t explain why I feel this way. I just know that it is true, just as the sun rises in the East and sets in the West and that Nick Jonas is almost certainly being blackmailed by someone, because he can’t stop showing up in random places. But hear me out–the Jonas Brothers, in many ways, served as the voice of our generation from 2007-2010. (Or, to be more exact, the look of our generation.)

They wore purity rings. They introduced their younger brother, Frankie, to the world and called him a “bonus Jonas.” They sang of undeniably relatable, important things, such as Flux Capacitators and the divisive nature of Hollywood. But, most importantly, many of these songs contain some truly savage burns–more savage than any lyric in the rap game, honestly–that are perfect for a lot of things, but especially your next breakup

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Though the Jonas Brothers’ heyday is behind them, why not let them serve once again as the voice (well, virtual voice) of your breakup? I’m not saying that you have to save them as a draft on your phone for when the moment arrives but, like, you probably should:

1. When you want to give it to them straight:

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Actual lyrics: Next time I see you/ I’m giving you a high five/’Cause hugs are over rated, just FYI (“SOS”)

 

2. When you need them to know that they’re getting a little too clingy:

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Actual lyrics: I don’t want to see you/Be near you/You’re a million miles too close (“You Just Don’t Know It”)

 

3. When you can’t think of a better way to say “seeing you causes me visceral pain:”

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Actual lyrics: You just don’t know it/It’s getting hard to say hello (“You Just Don’t Know It”)

 

4. When it’s not them, necessarily–it’s their games. And their “crazy friends:”

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Actual lyrics: Adieu to you and all your games/And all your crazy friends/This is the end (“Goodnight and Goodbye”)

 

5. When you’re feeling a little dramatic:

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Actual lyrics: Will you care when I’m gone/And it’s done and I’ve really had enough (“Games”)

 

6. When you’re feeling a LOT dramatic:

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Actual lyrics:  just got back from the doctor/He told me that I had a problem/I realized it’s you (“Poison Ivy”)

 

7. When similes are pretty much the only thing that can make this breakup work for you:

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Actual lyrics: It’s like a poison in my brain/It’s like a fog that blurs the sane/It’s like a vine you can’t untangle/I’m freakin’ out (“Paranoid”)

 

8. When you decide to be completely honest with your reasoning:

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Actual lyrics: I’m hot/You’re cold/You go around/Like you know/Who I am/But you don’t (“Burnin’ Up”)

 

9. When you just feel like it’s time to move on:

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Actual lyrics: Always someone else/ The next guy who will/ Make your cold heart melt/ I’m gonna give my love to someone else (“Shelf”)

 

10. When you’re done pulling punches:

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Actual lyrics: Why do you keep asking questions when I don’t care/ And how many times will it take you to figure out/How much I hate you/ I’m right, you’re wrong, move on (“Move On”)

 

11. When you don’t even care if they know you’re blatantly ripping off the Jonas Brothers:

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Actual lyrics: Why do you keep asking questions when I don’t care/ And how many times will it take you to figure out/How much I hate you/ I’m right, you’re wrong, move on (“Move On”)

 

12. When you realize that your best bet is to keep things succinct:

jobrosbreakup11

 

Are you petty enough to use these breakup texts? Did I forget any GREAT lyrics? Let us know in the comments!

You can reach the author, Sara Hendricks, on Twitter and Instagram.

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