Ask A Guy: Why Is He Texting You If He’s Dating Your Friend?

Hey Joel,

I told my best friend about a new crush and since they had the same club after school they started talking to each other. Not even two weeks after, she told me they were dating. I tried to avoid her and stopped talking to him. When I kept ignoring him he kept insisting on texting me. He texted me yesterday and I wanted to ignore the text, but I just couldn’t, so we talked, but today at school he barely said a word to me. Is he actually trying to become closer friends with me or is he just completely lying to me?


It sounds like you accidentally found some super shady people to hang out with and be into. While most people are great at the beginning, so many can let you down, and it’s a hard lesson to learn. Not to worry though, there are plenty of amazing people that can take their places.

I don’t have to tell you how wrong it was for your friend to even consider cozying up to the guy you were interested in. For both guys and gals, there is an unspoken rule that stealing someone else’s crush is just something you don’t do. The fact that she made the move–and so quickly–tells you all you need to know about her integrity, and you made the right move by dropping her like a bad habit. There’s no reason to give her a second chance to betray you.

Insofar as this guy is concerned, it sounds like he’s trying to play both of you at once. If he is only texting you outside of school and ignoring you when you’re there, my money says that your friend doesn’t know he’s chatting you up. She may have told him you had a crush, and he’s trying to take advantage of that. If I were you, I’d stop talking to him in all ways and put him out of your mind–only more drama can be had if you keep talking to him.

The bottom line is that you’re dealing with two people that don’t value or respect you very much, and you’re better off without either of them in your life. Your friend went behind your back and this guy is talking to you behind her back–that’s so many levels of combined shady, it’s difficult to calculate! There is absolutely no reason to be friends with either of them, and if they try and guilt trip you, just shrug and know you’re doing the right thing.

Best wishes,


Joel Freimark has done a lot in life and seen even more. From last minute international travel to bizarre places to writing award winning books, he’s here to bring his wisdom to all your problems. He hosts a weekly advice series on Youtube and a music series also on YouTube. No question is too outrageous or personal, so go ahead and fire away! Follow him on Twitter.

Are you confused about a guy? Do you find yourself wondering, “What is he thinking?” Tell us everything in the comments! And if you have a question for Joel, email him at!

Ask A Guy: What To Do If A Guy Is Acting Possessive But Won’t Say Why

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