Well, it’s December. This means that, at last, even to the most ardent of festivity dissenters, it is truly and indisputably the holiday season. This means that, like many people, I finally feel that it is an appropriate time for me to unearth all of my favorite holiday possessions. You know, like my Christmas ornaments. My menorah. My sweater that’s decorated with glittery appliqué reindeer. My lucky dreidel that has won me an unconscionable amount of Hannukah gelt.
Now, if you have been using context clues, you can probably tell that I am not bound to just one winter holiday–my dad is a lapsed Catholic and my mom a religously apathetic (but culturally fervent) Jew. Ergo, I am half Christian and half a Jew (which some people refer to as being a “Cashew,” a term I have always rejected because it doesn’t make all that sense, phonetics or imagery-wise). As such, I get to have two winter holidays, both Christmas and Hannukah (well, three if you count the Winter solstice, which my burgeoning hippie parents have been known to do).
As with anything, this particular situation comes with its own set of negatives and positive. Here are some things that happen to all half-Jewish girls over the holiday season:
1. Your house is a minefield of awesome decorations:
Christmas tree? Check. Menorah? Check. Red, green, blue, and white shouldn’t go well together. And yet…
2. Every year, you seriously consider buying a dual Christmas and Hanukkah sweater:
WORTH IT, TBH.
3. You have the “Chrismukkah” episode of The O.C. playing on repeat:
It is UN-RUINABLE.
4. People always ask you what the right way to spell “Hanukkah” is:
You give them some amorphous combination of “C’s” “H’s” (Chanukah?? Hannuka??) and act like you know what you’re talking about. In reality, you’ve got no idea.
5. Sometimes, Christmas and Hanukkah overlap:
It’s like Santa and Moses convened in order to make it the best day ever–a true Chrismukkah miracle.
6. Either way, there are double the presents to be had:
7. Or, at least everyone assumes that you get more presents:
But really, they’re just more spread out. (But you let everyone think that you get way more than them.)
8. People get irrationally confused when you say you celebrate both Christmas and Hannukah:
Like, it’s weird.
9. And tell you that you can’t be “half a religion:”
It’s called “interfaith,” y’all.
10. You get to look forward to those thirsty “Merry Christmas” texts from old crushes as well as the very special “Happy Hannukah” ones from your fellow Children of Israel:
11. You never quite know whether to say “Merry Christmas” or “Happy Hannukah:”
So you just stick with “Happy Holidays.”
11. You take extra pride in relating to Drake, a fellow half-Jew:
All the time, yes, but this time of year specifically. HYFR, indeed.
12. You also relate, on a spiritual level, to the song “Best Of Both Worlds” sung by the erstwhile Hannah Montana:
You do get the best of both worlds.
13. The holidays are a cinematic whirlwind of two movies and two movies only–Elf and Fiddler on the Roof:
14. You’ve been known to be pretty Christmas AF…
15. But you always make sure to balance it out by being Hannukah AF, too:
16. What can you say?
It’s your cross to bear. Or star of David. Whatever.
Are you half-Jewish (or half-anything)? What’s the holiday season like for you? Did I forget anything? Let us know in the comments!