Even in a world where it seems like everyone has low self-esteem, we all know at least one person who exudes confidence from their every pore. We all have that one friend or family member who has never seemed anything but sure of herself or himself. This person also seems effortlessly happy while doing ridiculously successful things. They have all of the friends, the style, the good looks, and the admirers. They have this air about them that you can’t put into words, but it makes everyone around them feel good.
Wouldn’t you like to be that person sometimes?
Being confident can be really hard – learning how to be confident when you have bad self-esteem is even harder. How do you learn to love yourself when you’ve been taught – by family, friends, the media, etc. – to second guess yourself and put yourself down? It’s hard, but it’s not impossible! Being truly confident can be the key to being a happier, more successful person. Learning how to think highly of yourself is definitely worth the effort.
The best way to learn is from the pros. Confident people do certain things differently or think about certain things differently, and tweaking these habits can make all the difference. Here are 20 secret habits of confident people they aren’t telling you:
1. They go after what they want instead of settling for the next best thing.
People who are truly confident have a strong sense of self. They aren’t wishy-washy – they know what they want, and they aren’t afraid to go after it. They know it can take a while to achieve their goals, but they’re in it for the win. You’ll almost never catch a confident person settling for something they don’t really want because it’s there. What can you take from this? Stop settling! Be patient and you’ll make it happen.
2. They’re positive instead of negative.
You know why you rarely hear confident people complaining and whining about everything? Because they have a more positive frame of mind than most other people. A big part of being confident means being positive and seeing the glass as half full instead of half empty. They know how to make the best of even the bad situations because they know how to see it in the right light.
3. They speak with certainty.
Let me give you an example. If you asked someone if they deserved a raise at work, you might get two kinds of answers. The person with low self-esteem would say something along the lines of, “Maybe, I mean there are other people who might deserve it more though, I couldn’t ask.” The confident person would say something like, “Yes. I work hard and I deserve to be compensated for it!” Confident people speak confidently. They say a strong yes or a strong no instead of “maybe.” They ask people for favors boldly instead of saying, “Um, do you think you could maybe help me, but if you can’t it’s okay!” Get it?
4. They don’t view being single as the end of the world.
Confident people know how to be on their own. Of course they get heartbroken (they are people, after all!), but they don’t see being single as the end of the world. They aren’t afraid to be on their own because they know they can handle it and get through it. The girl who always needs to be in a relationship to be happy is not confident. She is looking for someone to “complete her,” and that’s the definition of low self-esteem.
5. They’re humble instead of being cocky.
There’s a huge difference between cocky and confident. Someone who is cocky is constantly bragging about their achievements and believes they are better than everyone else. Being confident is not about believing you’re better than everyone. It’s about believing in yourself and loving yourself. A confident person is proud of what they accomplish, but they don’t need to rub it in everyone’s face to feel good about it.
6. They look people in the eye when they talk to them.
The way you talk to someone says a lot about your confidence. If you’re the person who looks everywhere but the other person’s face, that shows you feel uncomfortable and awkward. If you’re confident, you look that person in the eye when you talk. It’s something a lot of us have to learn – I had to learn it and it’s still super hard for me. But it makes a big difference!
7. They know the importance of body language.
Speaking of eye contact – confident people know the importance of body language in general. They don’t stand at a party with their arms crossed, their back hunched, and their eyes on their cell phone. They keep their arms at their side, they sit up tall, they smile, and they feel and look relaxed and at ease. Paying conscious attention to body language cues like these can change the way people act around you.
8. They’re not afraid to fail.
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Failure is not the worst thing that can happen to you. But for people with low self-esteem, it can feel like that. That’s because people with low self-esteem assumes that failing means they suck, because they don’t truly believe in themselves. Confident people realize that failure is okay, and not only okay, but totally normal. In fact, it’s necessary! This doesn’t mean they don’t get bummed out from failing, it just means they know how to learn from it and move past it.
9. They know how to say “thank you” when complimented.
Tell a girl with low self-esteem that you love her hair, and she’ll say something like this: “OMG really? I feel like it looks so frizzy! Your hair is so much prettier!” Say it to a confident girl, and she’ll say a simple, “Thank you! That’s so sweet.” People with high self-esteem know how to accept a compliment without putting themselves down or feeling like they have to return the compliment. This trait can make some people uncomfortable, but that’s only because we’re so conditioned to not say thank you. The next time you’re complimented, just say thanks!
10. They don’t view everyone as their competition, so they don’t get jealous as easily.
When you have no confidence, it’s easy to view everyone as your competition. That girl you don’t know hanging out with your friend? Must be an enemy. That girl who looked at your BF a little too long? She’s a threat. When you’re confident, you don’t feel as jealous because you don’t see everyone as competition. You know that your friend loves you, and can still love you even if she has other friends. You know your BF loves you, and might think someone else is cute, but that doesn’t take away from how they feel about you. Get it?
11. They aren’t afraid to get out of their comfort zone.
A person with low self-esteem is scared to try new things because of so many reasons. So they stick with what they know, which doesn’t exactly boost confidence. But a person who is confident isn’t afraid to get out of their comfort zone. They try new things even when they’re scared. Doing something you’re afraid of is a huge confidence booster!
12. They demand to be respected and treat others with respect.
Confident people respect themselves and so they demand to be respected by others. When someone disrespects them, they speak up or they take that person out of their life. They surround themselves with people who respect them. They also know how to return that respect.
13. They know how to be happy for other people.
People with low self-esteem don’t know how to be happy for others because they’re jealous. For example: if your friend can’t be happy for your new relationship because she’s too busy obsessing over how she doesn’t have a boyfriend, she’s not confident. Someone who is confident can be happy for those they care about even when things aren’t going right for them.
14. They don’t put others down for no reason.
I’m sure there are confident people out there who gossip. But in general, someone with high self-esteem doesn’t sit around putting others down. This is because when we put others down, it’s almost always to make ourselves feel better about something. Confident people know how to make themselves feel good without tearing others down in the process.
15. They don’t obsess over what people think.
It’s hard to stop caring what others think, but it’s such an important part of confidence. People with high self-esteem can do something silly or weird because they aren’t worried about what others are going to say. They’re only worried about how THEY feel about it. That’s so important!
16. They don’t do things to make others happy.
Because confident people don’t worry about what others think, they don’t do things just to please other people. They do the things that make THEM happy. They are more focused on their well-being than doing what a friend wants them to do. Ignore what others want you to do if it doesn’t feel right for you.
17. They trust themselves instead of questioning themselves.
Second guessing every decision you have to make doesn’t mean you’re confident. Trusting your intuition and believing that you can do the right thing means you’re confident. This also ties in to not being afraid to fail.
18. They don’t spend a lot of time feeling sorry for themselves.
Confident people don’t sit there feeling sorry for themselves because they’re too busy working on themselves. They’re too busy chasing their goals and focusing on what’s right for them to sit around regretting past mistakes or beating themselves up for something they failed at. Stop dwelling on the past and focus on the present and future.
19. They believe in themselves.
Seriously, confident people believe in themselves! They don’t look at a goal and think they won’t make it there. They look at a goal, make a plan, and work for it. They know they can get what they want. They trust their instincts. Their belief in themselves helps others believe in them too.
20. They know what makes them feel good.
Again, confident people have a strong sense of self. They know what makes them feel good. For example: they know what clothes they feel best in, and they rock those clothes regardless of what anyone else thinks!
Which of these habits are you going to try? How do you boost your confidence? Tell us in the comments!