I am far too lazy to have the yoga clothes obsession that I have, but what can you do? A friend recently had to talk me down from impulse buying a yoga tank with kitties surfing on pizza slices in space. I mean, how can you say no to that kind of tank top? Apparently, not having an active yoga practice means you shouldn’t buy up all the yoga clothes you can scrounge from every clearance rack (weird – I thought different).
If I’m being honest, I wear most of my yoga clothes when I’m running errands so that it *looks like* I just came from yoga class when really I just woke up. What’s not to love about these items? They’re super comfy, cute as hell, and I know they tend to be expensive, but my butt never looks better than it does in yoga pants. My workout gear mostly sees my Netflix queue, the occasional jaunt to the mall, and lazy hangs with my friends, but that’s it. I haven’t been to a yoga class in about a year!
Yoga tanks are my latest impulse-purchase kryptonite. Admittedly, they’re meant to function as yoga clothes: super flow-y and airy so you can downward dog without stretching out the armhole of your tee shirt. That doesn’t mean they aren’t super cute when paired with a bralette or bright see-it-on-purpose bra. Maybe it’s because I want them for the bra or maybe it’s because these tank tops are so gosh darn funny, but I’m all about the ironic lazy girl funny yoga tank. Here are my top 12. Totally gift these to your squad of other Netflix watching lazy girlfriends (or maybe wear them to yoga. You know. Whatever works for you.)
Farting During Yoga TankCurse you, hip openers! Just call it out on your tank and save everyone the trouble of wondering whodunit. Buy this from Look Human for $24.
Yoga Puns tankAll hail the great namaste pun. May you be repurposed and spread across tank tops everywhere. The dark blue, the lotus, the font - what's not to love about this tank? Buy this at Look Human for $24
Fetal Position TankFetal position is a totally valid yoga pose, right? Nope? Cool, just checking. Buy this from Activate Apparel for $24
Namastay In BedLike the classic yoga joke, this tank is black. Consider it your LBD of fitness and zen ironic apparel. Buy this from Etsy for $28.
A Truthful TankLet's be real about why we all work out in the first place. Answer: so we can have the occasional french fry without going into a shame spiral. So those extra fries? Don't mind if I do! Buy this from Etsy for $18.99
Awkward TankFor those of us who are not graceful enough for a yoga flow, and yoga shake-and-fall instead. I used to have a solid yoga flow. Alas, those days are gone. Too awkward to yoga forever. Buy this from Look Human for $24
Lululemon TankShout out to the most popular brand of yoga clothes. Lululemon, you are far too expensive for me, but this tank made by not-you, totally nails it. Buy this from Etsy for $21.99
Hot Yoga TankNo, friends. I won't go to hot yoga with you. Why? Because it makes me super dehydrated, feel like I'm going to pass out, then I wind up being the only idiot in child's pose when you all put your legs behind your head. That's why. Also, because I'm already hot when I do yoga, which makes it hot yoga. Get it? Buy this from Skreened for $20.39
Namastop TankFor when you know you should go to yoga, but you can't even. Perfect tank top is perfect. Keep hitting that refresh button until it restocks because this is the pinnacle of yoga tanks. Buy this from Shop Betches for $44
Bikram TankTo be clear, you're hotter than 105 degrees Fahrenheit. That's hot enough to make your knee caps sweat. Buy this from Boo Hoo for $3.19
Nap TankFor when you're most definitely chanting, not at all snoring. Zzzzzzz... Buy this from Look Human for $24
Yoga Homies TankGet ready for your next favorite yoga pun, it's.... OMIES! It's your yoga squad. At least that's what I'm going to run around and obnoxiously hash tag when my friends and I go to yoga class en masse. Buy this from Etsy for $24.95
Which one of these yoga tanks is your favorite? What did we forget to include? Tell me in the comments.
You can follow the author, Aliee Chan, on Twitter.