In my personal opinion, there is probably no greater musical subgenre than that of songs about thongs. I mean, I am basing this off of “Thong Song” and “Thong Song” alone, but that’s enough, isn’t it?.
In spite of this impressive musical catalogue – or, perhaps, because of it – my own personal history with thong underwear is much more tumultuous. Thongs, as an undergarment, are not exactly a big deal–I mean, they shouldn’t be, because it’s literally it’s just a pair of underwear that has a little less fabric so that you can wear tight or sheer clothing without issue. But when I was thirteen and needed to buy my first thong, I got caught somewhere in the, ahem, insightful “Thong Song” lyrics and managed to get it in my head that thongs, in and of themselves, were inherently scandalous. So, the day I bought my first one, I spent a good thirty minutes in the Victoria’s Secret Pink store just dithering about whether or not to buy it.
Obviously, it didn’t have to be that difficult. But, clearly, it is–when a WikiHow page called “How To Buy A Thong Without Your Parents Knowing” exists, one can assume that bridging the thong gap remains complex. So, whether or not you find thongs to be scandalous, here are some things you should know before buying one:
There Are Three Different TypesG-String--This is probably what you think of when you hear the word "thong." It has a very narrow waistband, typically a small strip of elastic (which is where the term "butt floss" comes from). The only fabric that you can see is pretty much a small triangle in the front. Traditional--This pair has total coverage in the front as well as a wider waistband, but narrows to a strip of fabric 1-inch wide or narrower that is slid between the buttocks. Tanga/Samba thong--Like a regular pair of panties crossed with a traditional thong. They typically have fabric that covers the upper half of your butt, but leaves the bottom exposed (which prevents a panty line). If you've never worn a thong before, you probably want to start with this kind. Image source:iStock
Nude Is EssentialMake sure you have at least one nude (as in, the same color as your skin) thong in your drawer. It might not be the sexiest thing ever, but it's the most useful--it'll prevent both panty lines and awkward see-through moments. Plus, it's the only color that works when you want to wear a white dress that might otherwise show panty lines.Image source:iStock
Being Comfortable IS PossibleComfort is the most important part! Everyone says thongs aren't comfortable, but that's not true - comfy ones do exist. In terms of sizing, you can assume that you should just get the same standard size you wear with regular underwear. If you're not sure, round up--it's definitely more comfortable to pick a pair that's a little too big rather than too small. If you're in doubt, don't hesitate ask a salesperson! It's literally their job to help you figure out what's best for you. Image source:iStock
Cotton Is The Safest OptionGo with cotton, at least for your first pair. It's better for your vaginal and urinary heath as well as just being more comfortable overall. Plus wearing cotton doesn't mean that you have to sacrifice style, too--those Calvin Klein thongs that are super in right now are made of cotton.Image source:iStock
Thongs Can Cause InfectionsThongs can spread infection faster than regular underwear since it'll have contact with both your anus and vulva. This shouldn't be a huge issue, but if you frequently experience yeast or bacterial infections, just make sure that you're aware of how often you're changing things out. This doesn't mean that you have to switch underwear more often than usual--once a day should do it--just make sure that you're conscious of it. Image source:iStock
Wearing A Thong Every Day Is UnhealthySave your thongs for days when you really need them! Wearing thongs every day can increase your rate for infection. Image source:iStock
Don't Whale TailWhale tails are never a great look (unless you're trying to do tribute to Manny from Degrassi). This won't be an issue when you're wearing a dress, obviously, but there are a few ways to prevent this when you wear jeans. The best way to do this is by getting the right fit--but after that, it's a good idea to test it out with whatever pair of pants you'll be wearing before you go out. Walk, squat, jump--do whatever you usually do during the day to make sure no whale tail action happens. Image source:iStock
Are thongs scary for you? What advice would you give for buying a thong? Let us know in the comments!