Ask A Guy: Here’s What It Really Means When A Guy Acts Possessive But Won’t Say Why

Hey Joel,

I’ve been hanging out with a guy for a while. He told me he just wants to be friends, but whenever I talk about other guys or anything he acts really jealous but won’t tell me why. What does this mean and what should I do?


It sounds like he’s doing all he can to have the best of both worlds. He’s said outright that he doesn’t want anything more than friendship, but is totally blocking you from pursuing anything with other guys. This reeks of jealousy and likely a guy who is scared of his feelings.

Regardless of age, one of the biggest problems with guys is that we’re really not taught how to properly recognize and express our feelings–especially when those feelings concern someone we’re attracted to. In most cases, guys don’t mean any harm by it, but it can totally get in the way of you finding someone special–because NO guy wants to deal with some overly-clingy and protective friend of their girlfriend.

What you need to do is sit him down and have a serious conversation. This should be done when you both have plenty of time to talk, and in a quiet place where you can have privacy. The key is asking him why he keeps blocking you from getting to know other guys, and give him examples of his actions. If he says that these other guys aren’t good enough for your or whatever, let him know that it’s your choice who you pursue, and he needs to respect that.

This is likely why he won’t tell you “what” the problem is that makes him so jealous. It’s a bit embarrassing, and he may not actually realize the cause. Add to that how difficult if may be for him to admit that NOW he wants more than friendship with you, and chances are, there’s a confused mess in his head.

Find out what he wants, and then decide if you’re OK with his wants. If he can’t deal with just being your friend WITHOUT getting into your relationship business, you may have to reconsider how much time you spend with him and in what context. Hopefully he’ll get a clue and it won’t have to go that far.

Best wishes,


Joel Freimark has done a lot in life and seen even more. From last minute international travel to bizarre places to writing award winning books, he’s here to bring his wisdom to all your problems. He hosts a weekly advice series on Youtube and a music series also on YouTube. No question is too outrageous or personal, so go ahead and fire away! Follow him on Twitter.

Are you confused about a guy? Do you find yourself wondering, “What is he thinking?” Tell us everything in the comments! And if you have a question for Joel, email him at!

Ask A Guy: What To Do IfYour Guy Won’t Go As Far As You Want

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