Work, social life, romantic life, school, family… if you’re able to keep all these things in balance, then hats off to you. Usually something slips through the cracks. For me, the first category to fall is friendship. When I get too busy or stressed out, I stop responding to invitations, get snippy with them, or don’t show up for their important events. IT’S BAD I KNOW I’M SORRY.
Being aware that you’re acting like a bad friend is the first step to fixing the problem. Sometimes we get so obsessed with how others have wronged us that we don’t realize that we’re not treating others well either. Our friends usually just take our bad behavior because they love us, but sometimes they’ve had enough and decide they’re better off without us. *insert sad-face emoji here*
Maybe you’re not being as good of a friend as you could be! Here are 13 ways you didn’t realize you’re being a bad friend:
1. When you don’t celebrate wins with them enough.
Be happy for them no matter what. Just because they succeed doesn’t mean that you won’t. Make it a rule for you to always be there to celebrate with them without making it about you. It’s okay and normal to feel jealous, but try to hide it for your friend.
2. When you hold onto resentment instead of confronting them.
If they’ve wronged in you some way (and they’re human, so they will), say something. If you don’t, you’ll resent them. Being able to forgive and forget is an important part of friendship. If you can’t do that, then maybe you guys shouldn’t be friends.
3. When you share something personal they told you.
Especially if they didn’t say, “Don’t tell anyone,” you betray their trust by spreading personal information they entrusted to you. It’s so tempting, but don’t do it!
4. When you act as a Devil’s Advocate.
Sometimes it’s important to be honest with them, but sometimes your friends just want you to listen to them and understand them without you having to defend the other side. Know when to be a good listener and when to speak up.
5. When you criticize their lifestyle for no real reason.
If your friend is hurting themselves, then yes, go ahead and intervene. Otherwise, don’t judge. If their lifestyle is something you don’t want to be associated with, don’t be their friend. But no one wants someone projecting all their insecurities onto them.
6. When you get jealous of their other friends.
Your friend is going to have other friends besides you. It’s okay to feel jealous inside, but don’t be mean to your friend because you feel that way.
7. When you lie about excuses as to why you can’t hang out.
Learn how to just say “no, I don’t feel like it” or “no thanks, I want to stay in tonight” instead of lying to a friend. Not being honest is not the making of a great friend, even if it’s a small lie.
8. When you get out of control and make them take care of you.
Sure, you’re a lot of fun, but there’s such a thing as too much fun. If you’re constantly getting out of hand at parties causing your friends to switch into mom mode every single time you go out, you’re doing them a disservice.
9. When you make fun of what they’re wearing.
Girls face enough pressure from the outside world to look a certain way, they don’t need it from their friends, too! Even if you’re just joking, it can still come across as hurtful, and that’s not cool.
10. When you guilt-trip them.
Just because your friend didn’t act the way you wanted them to doesn’t make it okay for you to lay the ol’ guilt trip on them. Let them make their own decisions.
11. When you constantly ask for favors but don’t return them.
That’s just taking advantage of the friendship! If they scratch your back, you scratch theirs.
12. Begrudgingly showing up to their events.
If you don’t want to go to their piano recital, don’t go! Sitting their upset that you have to spend your Sunday afternoon listening to sub-par music isn’t doing anyone any favors.
13. Talking about money.
Whether you’re better off than your friends or not-so-much, stay away from complaining or boasting about money. It never makes the other person feel good.
Are you a good friend? Do you have good friends? What are they like? Let me know in the comments below!