It’s the most wonderful time of the year! As soon as the Halloween costumes are off (but before all the candy is even eaten) the *~*holiday spirit*~* fills the air and the countdown begins – to Thanksgiving, Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanza, the New Year. Cheer abounds with children and adults alike as decorations are hung, presents are bough, and cookies are baked. What could be better?
Um, how about literally any other time of the year (except maybe fall)? Call me Scrooge, but I say bah humbug! What’s so great about the holidays? I’m cold and wet from the snow, I’m broke from buying everyone presents, and watching the ball drop really isn’t that much fun. Perhaps like the Grinch my heart is two sizes too small but c’mon – you have to agree that some of the things everyone loves about the holidays are actually the worst. We get caught up with the pretty decorations and the presents that are everywhere, and we get brainwashed. It happens. But here are 12 things everyone loves about the holidays that actually suck:
1. The anticipation
All anyone can talk about is their upcoming holiday plans. People sit at school or work, counting down the days until vacation. How soon until you hear the pitter patter of reindeer hooves on the roof? While this anticipation could fill you with childlike wonder for the future, it makes you miss the present. Why would you want to do that??
2. The weather
Dreaming of a white Christmas, are you? Sounds miserable. Snow is wet and cold. Sure, it’s pretty enough while falling, but you know how dirty it gets after like five seconds? Who wants messy piles of sludgy half water-half ice everywhere? And btw, snowballs hurt.
3. The music
Deck the halls with boughs of holly, fa la la la la la la la shut up. No one needs to hear Mariah Carey’s holiday album on repeat from November 1 to January 1. Even Trans-Siberian Orchestra gets annoying, and there aren’t even repetitive words that get stuck in your head all day causing you to have weird dreams about your mother kissing Santa Claus.
4. Starbucks seasonal beverages
The pumpkin spice frenzy leads into the peppermint mocha, chesnuts-roasting-on-an-open-fire latte craze, giving “coffee” lovers everywhere an excuse to post an Instagram of a new holiday-themed cup. First of all, if these flavors are so good, why limit them to the holidays? And secondly – this is not real coffee, folks. It’s liquid sugar.
5. Making the food
Put on the holiday music (see no. 3), roll up your sleeves, and get ready to become master of the kitchen! Cooking and baking the holiday meal sounds like such fun. It’s a bonding experience for the chefs and you get to taste all the dishes before everyone else. But there are a couple major problems with cooking—it’s messy, and it’s hard. Good luck keeping your nice holiday outfit clean, and make sure you have a plan B when those mashed potatoes turn out more like rock hard lumps.
6. Eating the food
Who decided what food we’d eat on any given holiday? Because let’s get real – stuffing is dry, cranberries are sour, why in the world do we need gravy on everything, candy canes are just overgrown breath mints, and worst of all…
What is this monstrosity?! This is neither fruit or cake, by any reasonable definition. Cake has frosting. Fruit should be healthy. Fruitcake does not have delicious creamy, sugary goodness on top, but it’s definitely not healthy. I don’t really know what it is, to be honest, but everyone’s great aunt should probably stop sending it in the mail.
8. The TV shows and movie specials
ABC Family plays Christmas movies for 25 days. That’s almost an entire month. The Hallmark Channel plays holiday movies pretty much 24/7. Just about every TV show produces a special holiday episode. Does no one else get tired of the “kiss your crush under the mistletoe” scenes, or the “get home by Christmas dinner” plots, or the completely unrealistic “snows in California just in time for Santa” miracles? Enough is enough!
And speaking of mistletoe – no thank you! It is not romantic. It’s just a trick to get people who don’t like each other to kiss and pretend to enjoy it. Like Luna Lovegood says in Harry Potter, it’s probably full of nargles!
Tis the season of giving! Giving gift receipts, that is, so you can return all the ugly sweaters and books you already own, that is. The concept of giving and receiving presents is wonderful, but the actual practice is a little difficult. First, you have to spend a lot of money in search of the “perfect” gift that you don’t know if the recipient will even like. Then, you have to act all excited about every gift you open, even if you would never in a million years wear or use the item. Everyone should just save themselves the aggravation and spend the money on themselves.
It seems that every family has their own unique holiday routines. After so many years, you tend to forget why you actually participate in half of them. While the notion of “tradition” has a certain whimsical appeal, what it really boils down to is getting stuck eating the same meal and going through the same motions year after year. Don’t you think it’s time to mix it up a bit?
12. The expectations
The holidays are “the most wonderful time of the year” right? But…what if they’re not? Especially applicable to New Year’s Eve—there’s no real reason why this one night should be any better than any other night. Lower your expectations, then you can really have fun.
Which of these things do you agree with? What do you disagree with? What did we forget to include? Tell me in the comments.