How To Deal When You Have A Crush On A Friend Who Doesn’t Like You Back

Dear Heather,

I’ve been friends with this guy for almost three years. For the first year, it was just a friendship, but then I fell in love with him. I eventually told him that I had a crush on him, and he was okay with it… but he told me he didn’t like me in that way. He said he still wanted to be friends. I told him I understood and I tried not to get too upset about it and just felt relieved I wasn’t losing him as a friend.

But it’s been two years and I still like him. What’s more is that we’ll both be going to different colleges next year, and I think I’m going to lose him forever then. What should I do? Please help.

blair

I’m sorry your friend isn’t crushing on you back! But I have to say, it’s impressive that you were able to be honest about your feelings, and that you’ve been able to keep this friendship going. That shows how much you care about this guy.

That said, I have to say this: it might be good for you guys to go to different colleges and be apart from each other. Staying friends with him is clearly not helping you get over him, which makes sense, because it’s hard to move on from those feelings when you’re with the person all the time. If you go to your own college away from him, you’ll not only have a better chance at moving on, you’ll also meet lots of new people and potentially a new crush.

I know you’re scared that going away to school will mean that you guys will really never have a chance. It sounds like you might be holding onto this friendship partly because you’re hoping he’ll change his mind about how he feels. And while I can’t predict the future, if he hasn’t changed his mind in three years, he probably won’t anytime soon. I know that’s hard to hear, but sometimes you just have to accept these things. So, the chances of him changing his mind even if you two went to the same college would be pretty slim. In fact, I would bet that the friendship would remain the same.

It’s hard to let go of these things, especially when you’ve had an unreturned crush for so long. But a huge part of moving on is separating yourself from the person you’re trying to get over. Being in your own college will let you have time to figure out what you really want. Even if you don’t meet someone else you like as much as him, I bet you’ll find new friends, new interests, and you’ll be able to grow without constantly thinking about him. You’ll miss him a lot in the beginning, but college is exciting, and a crush who can’t realize how awesome you are should never hold you back from new experiences like these.

So, here’s what you can do: stay friends with this guy for the rest of the year if that’s important to you. Then take advantage of this opportunity in college and try to move on as the new year starts. Good luck!

take care,
Heather

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com

 

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Posted in: Help Me Heather, Love Advice
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  • Iloverenee

    Why doesnt she like me when i try my hardest
    …????