Sex is a necessary, biological act that should be pretty simple… so why is it actually one of the most complicated things ever?! Wait, maybe I can answer that question on my own: despite that sex is a huge part of so many people’s lives, it is still something that isn’t discussed in the way it should be. That means that there are tons of weird myths out there that people get worried about, and not enough real, helpful facts.
There are so many things I wish I knew about sex before I started having it. In fact, there are STILL things I’m learning about sex, and I know I’m not the only one who feels this way. We should be taught a lot more than we are, but we aren’t – and that’s a big reason why Gurl exists, to teach you guys what you really need to know about taboo topics. So, when I saw this Ask Reddit thread on what real girls wish they knew about sex before having it, I knew it needed to be shared. Here are 10 things you never realized you need to know about sex:
It Might Be Painful Sometimes But Not Alwaysteardrop87: Your cervix changes position based on where you are in your cycle. Doggy style and deep thrusts can feel good one week, and hurt like a mother the next. This is perfectly normal, and should not cause alarm. Such important information to know. Sex should never be too painful, and if it is, you should change what you're doing. But if you notice that a position only hurts sometimes, this could be why. Source: iStock
Sometimes You Actually Should Fake Itprincessbynature: Sometimes faking it will make not so great sex better. If you are worried blunt talk about what is or isn't working for you might make things worse, exaggerate your moans as a way to communicate what does work. When he does something that feels good make sure you let him know, he will likely do more of that. Be an active participant and don't just expect he will just know what to do, all women are different so he may be trying things that worked before with someone else but doesn't work for you. A lot of people get turned on by moans and groans, even their own. So, while you certainly shouldn't fake it all the time, you can exaggerate things a bit for your own benefit. Source: iStock
If He Finishes In You, It Will Come Outmmaireenehc: It'll drip. For hours. Sometimes even to the next day. If a dude finishes inside of you without a condom (note: please use condoms), it doesn't just stay up there, and it also doesn't just come out immediately. It drips out, slowly, and can take hours or even more than a full day to totally come out of there. Source: iStock
Pressure Happens In Different WaysT-Flexercise: Someone pressuring you into sex isn't going to look like "Come onnnnn everybody's doing it!" It's not something that's easy to say no to. What it looks like is someone asking you if you want to go upstairs and watch a youtube video, but you're supposed to assume they mean have sex. And you're going to say "Sorry I have to go home and feed my cat," because that's the polite way to decline a youtube video offering from someone you like. But they're going to act as if they're assuming we're still talking about cats and youtube videos and give very rational arguments for why you should watch a youtube video and you've gotta defend "feed my cat". This will continue until you either say "NO I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU I'M LEAVING" or you have sex with them. Learn to notice when someone does it to you once, and nope out of there, before it gets to "It's just a massage" stage. Source: iStock
You Might Need To Be In Charge Of Your OrgasmVintageJane: That I can have orgasms during sex, I just have to use a vibrator on my clit. All of that bullshit about focusing on your connection with your partner, or having the boring touchy foreplay that isn't really my style, or just learning the positions that make it work was all just a giant waste of time and emotional resources. Maybe some girls found that stuff to be useful and it is important for them to orgasm through PIV alone, but I'd rather take the shortcut because it's easier for me, easier for my partner, and I get to have orgasms almost every time I have sex now even if maybe my brain isn't always 100% in it. It's okay if you have to bring yourself to orgasm during sex. It doesn't mean there's something wrong! Source: iStock
You Should Use Lube From The Beginningprettyorganic: If you wait till it hurts to use lube, it's too late and the soreness and irritation will probably last you a few days. Don't wait until you need lube to use it. Use it from the beginning so that the pain doesn't happen. Source: iStock
Sex Does Not Equal RespectBabyTheImpala: That, just because a man says he wants to have sex, doesn't mean he loves you or that he values you in anyway. I let far too many men make me feel like I had no value if I didn't put out. I also wish I'd saved my virginity a few more years. And I wish my mom had taken me to get birth control before I got pregnant, instead of after. This sounds like a bummer, but it's important to remember. You don't have to have sex with someone who loves you if you're okay with it, but it's important to keep in mind that for many people, sex and love and respect are not the same. Source: iStock
It's Different With Different Partnersjustcurious12345: Different positions feel better with different guys. I thought I had a favorite position, but different penises work better in different positions. What works with one person might feel terrible with the next. That's totally normal. Source: iStock
Pee Right Afterrfaz6298: ALWAYS PEE AFTER. ALWAYS. DO NOT WAIT. NO CUDDLES, GO PEE. We say this all the time, but seriously: pee after sex. Right away. Don't wait. Do it!! Source: iStock
Just Because It's Quiet Doesn't Mean It's Badlfslshlps: Just because you're both not moaning like a porno, doesn't mean it isn't good. Sometimes it's so good it's hard to make a sound. Thanks to the loud moans and yells we hear in porn, it's easy to think that being quiet during sex means it sucks. That's definitely not always the case! Source: iStock
Which of these pieces of sex advice did you already know? What did we forget to include? Tell us in the comments.