7 Of The Most Effed Up Misconceptions About Virginity

A few days ago, it was impossible to scroll through any of my social network feeds without stumbling upon the story of a woman–Brelyn Bowan–who presented her father with a certificate of virginity to her father on her wedding day. When she was 13-years-old, she made a promise to her father to remain “pure” until her wedding day, and when the time finally came, she got a doctor’s confirmation that her hymen was in tact.

Understandably, people have been side eyeing the hell out of this.

Listen, if someone’s personal beliefs coincide with abstinence and all that jazz, that’s fine, as long as it is their decision. But what disturbs me more than the idea of a dad being informed of the state of their daughter’s cooch is the process by which her virginity was confirmed. The state of one’s hymen literally has nothing to do with whether or not a penis has been inside of it, so the fact that a doctor actually participated in this farce is so bizarre and borderline unethical in my opinion.

Hymens are just one big misconception that is associated with virginity. As someone who has still never had a penis fully inside of their vag, I understand them all to well. So why not revel in them some more? Here are seven of the most effed up misconceptions about virginity that are straight up headache inducing.


Your Hymen Determines Your Virginity

This is probably the most disturbing element of this entire mess. We've said it a zillion times here at Gurl and we'll say it again: YOUR HYMEN HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOUR VIRGINITY. Many folks with vaginas "break" their hymen doing all sorts of non sexy activities as children, like playing sports, riding on a horse, experiencing a nasty fall, etc. Some people are born with hymens that aren't even totally in tact. Some people have hymens with holes in them, others barely have a hymen to begin with. Also, it's not like using a tampon and potentially breaking your hymen has anything to do with sex.

Hymens are such a faulty way to tell whether or not somebody has had a penis inside of them. It's an archaic test that belongs in the stone ages, not the 21st century.

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Virginity And Purity Go Hand In Hand

What's with our culture's obsession with women being pure? Men never face the same rigorous tests or expectations, either. Also, the fact that one's purity--wholeness, being untainted, etc--is associated with sex is ten levels of effed up. This just perpetuates the association between sex and shame. Nobody is less of a person for having sex, FFS.

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To Be A Real Virgin You Can't Do Anything Vaguely Sexual

Um, plenty of virgins masturbate, watch porn, participate in non-penetrative activity, think about sex constantly, etc. It's ridiculous how much people try to police relatively tame sexual urges, especially in girls and women. Some of the most sexually explicit and open people I know have never had sex.

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Everything In Your Life Will Change After You Have Sex

Have you noticed that whenever someone actually talks about their first time having sex, they're usually not talking about it in an ultra positive way? Someone's first time having sex is usually awkward af and super uncomfortable in more ways than one. But whether or not it is a positive or negative experience, one thing is certain: The rest of your life and worth isn't determined by when you decided to have sex for the first time. Literally nobody cares. Hell, you probably won't care after a while.

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Not Many People Are Virgins Past High School

When you're entering college as a virgin, it's really easy to get caught up in the idea that you're the only virgin around and that everyone is having sex. Eh, not so much. About 20 percent of college students graduate as virgins. And New York Magazine did a study that indicated that 40 percent of underclassmen in college are virgins. So, yeah, not so alone.

The To-Do List

People Are Virgins Through Their Teens And Into Their '20s Because They Choose To Abstain From Sex Until Marriage

Not everyone who is a virgin is a virgin because they're religious, or waiting for "the one", or waiting for marriage. Some people just, you know, haven't gotten around to it. I've been one of those people! The assumption that everyone who is a virgin past their crucial teen years is pious or frigid is really annoying.

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Virginity Is A Valid Concept

I write about my v-card status a lot, but even I admit that virginity is a really stupid concept. Why? Because it doesn't even have a definition that applies to everyone. I mean, not everyone can even agree if oral sex counts as losing your virginity. Does anal? I've tried to have p in v sex with my current boyfriend, but it hasn't really worked out yet. Does his penis getting through an inch of my vag mean that I'm not a virgin anymore? How many inches counts? How many thrusts? Is virginity only about a penis entering a vagina? If so, then is someone with a vagina a perpetual virgin if they only do sexy stuff with other people with vaginas?

See? Virginity barely makes sense.

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What other BS ideas of virginity are out there? Which did you believe? Tell us in the comments!

You can follow the author, Ashley Reese, on Twitter or Instagram. Don’t worry, she doesn’t bite!

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