It’s time to get real, and I know I’m about to say something that a lot of people are going to get mad at me for… but it has to be said. I’m really sick of some of the complaints I hear constantly from girls who are single. I know that might sound condescending and annoying coming from someone who is in a long-term relationship, but I feel like someone needed to speak up, and I don’t mean any of this in a condescending way. I’m actually trying to help you, because complaining about the below things on a regular basis is definitely not going to land you a significant other (if that’s what you’re looking for).
Look, I know what it’s like to be single for a long time. When my first boyfriend and I broke up, I was then single for a little over five years, aside from some bursts of casual dating. I know that being single for a long time can feel really crappy sometimes. I totally understand that it sucks to feel lonely and want a relationship when you can’t find someone. I’m not saying that single people can’t ever complain or vent about their frustrations. I’m just saying that maybe, maybe, we could tone it down a bit.
The truth is, being single doesn’t have to be as horrible as some people make it. In fact, I think it’s harmful to yourself to sit there and say the below things, because you’re just putting yourself in a negative situation when you could instead be working to make it positive. And, full disclosure, I have said some of these things before! I’ve said them, and then realized that I shouldn’t have. Why? Read on for the 15 things you have to stop complaining about if you’re single:
1. How every guy in the world sucks.
We’re all guilty of feeling completely and totally done with the opposite sex. If you every once in a while just need to scream, “GUYS SUCK!” then go for it. But if you’re that girl on my Facebook Newsfeed who spends her life composing lengthy statuses about how much guys suck, then please stop. Do you know what I think when I see dudes whining, “Where have all the nice girls gone?” I think, “Wow, that is exactly why he’s single.” So take a guess as to what people think when you do it. Saying that every dude out there is the worst just because you met a few guys who weren’t great is dramatic, and also pretty unfair.
2. How guys suck so much, you’re going to become a lesbian.
How many times have you heard a girl say something like, “Wow, men are the worst. I’m done with them. It would be so much easier to be a lesbian!” Uh, what? I know it’s a joke, ha ha, but it must sound pretty annoying to someone who really is a lesbian and has had to fight against people telling her that’s a choice she made. Also, what you’re saying doesn’t make sense, because if you think girls are easier to deal with than guys, you’re wrong.
3. How chivalry is dead because our generation sucks.
Let’s talk about that girl on my Facebook Newsfeed, and how she spends too much time complaining about how our generation is disgusting and embarrassing because guys don’t even treat girls right anymore and OMG what did she do to deserve such a life? Note that she is saying this as she is simultaneously dissing the entire population of the male species. Look, things in the dating world have changed drastically since “chivalry” was a big thing. Just because things are different doesn’t mean that dudes weren’t jerks when they were still focused on being chivalrous. Basically, you sound silly.
4. How your coupled up friends are literally so boring.
I have some single friends who are always like, “OMG everyone in a relationship is so boring. Except you, of course! You’re not boring!” Um, okay. I know that saying stuff like this is just the way a lonely person is trying to make themselves feel better, but I’ve never been with cool with the idea of putting others down to lift yourself up. Yeah, maybe your friend started dating that dude and stopped acting like a party animal. It stinks that you miss that part of her, but people change, so you need to get over it. Maybe try to get to know her better and appreciate the fact that she’s growing rather than make fun of her because you’re jealous.
5. How you can’t trust anyone anymore because of how you’ve been treated by someone, so actually, you’ll just never love again.
When I was single, I used to say things like, “OMG I will literally never trust anyone ever again. Guys have ruined trust for me.” Now I literally cringe when I think about that. What do you think is happening when you tell the world how your exes have made you never be able to trust anyone? Do you think your ex sees that and feels bad about himself? Honestly, he probably doesn’t. He probably sees it and considers the power he had over you that is now changing the way you see everyone else. Is that what you want? I doubt it.
6. How every single person you’ve been with lately and all of your exes are huge jerks.
I know that when someone has hurt you, you automatically feel that you want to say bad things about them because it’s a defense mechanism. But when you really look at the situation, I’m sure that those people aren’t as bad as you’re saying they were. Sometimes things just don’t work out! Sometimes people get hurt because of it. That doesn’t mean they’re horrible.
7. How, actually, relationships are the worst and you’re happy you’re not in one, haha look at those loser couples!
Again, I understand that saying stuff like “relationships suck!” are defense mechanisms to make yourself feel better about single (I’m not trying to say that in a condescending way. I’m saying it because I’ve done it before and I know that’s why I was doing it). But talking about how relationships actually are the worst, and couples are so fake and stupid isn’t nice. Again, why do you need to put others down to make yourself feel better?
8. How your friends in relationships never make enough time for you anymore.
I know from experience that it can really hurt when your friend starts dating someone and stops making time for you. You’re allowed to feel hurt and sad about that. But at the same time, try to understand. When you start dating someone, your life changes a little, and so do your priorities. It’s normal and while it may be unfair, it’s something you eventually need to accept. If your friend completely blows you off, that’s not right. But if it’s just that she can’t be around as often as she once was, but still tries to make time for you, cut her some slack.
9. How rude it is that you weren’t invited somewhere with a guest, but people in relationships were.
This skews a bit older, but still, hear me out. When people make guest lists for weddings and similar events, they often only offer plus ones to those people who are in actual relationships. The single people who didn’t get a plus one often feel dissed and hurt. You shouldn’t. Your host has to pay for your guest – it’s not free – and they have to cut costs somewhere. So again, try to understand.
10. How much it sucks to be the third wheel.
If you don’t like to be third wheel, here’s what you can do: don’t go out with couples. Or, stop caring about being a third wheel, and instead focus on having a good time. It’s not the end of the world.
11. How you “can’t even deal” that another friend is making a big commitment.
I used to be friends with this girl who would freak out every time another friend got engaged or started dating someone. She would be like, “OMG so-and-so has a boyfriend. Kill me now. Seriously kill me.” Okay. That’s just… okay. Please stop. Learn how to be happy for your friends and stop thinking about yourself.
12. How you’ll probably be forever alone, and ew, cats, you don’t want to be a cat lady.
First of all, cats are amazing, so you’d be lucky to be a cat lady. Second, this feels kind of dramatic and attention-grabbing. People get tired of it after a while.
13. How much you hate Valentine’s Day, and every other holiday, actually.
Stop ruining holidays for yourself because you’re so focused on how single you are. You can still have a good time even if you don’t have a significant other. But you definitely can’t have a good time if you are only thinking about how you’re alone. What’s the point of doing that?
14. How you are sooooo bored of hearing about your friend’s relationships.
I can’t stand when I hear single people complain about how they’re bored of hearing about their friend’s boyfriends, or if they see one more #MCM they’re going to scream… yet then they get mad when people in relationships dare to say something like “I’m sick of hearing you whine about being single.” If your friend is talking about her BF or GF, try to be an actual friend and listen to her happiness instead of making fun of her.
15. How you must be doing SOMETHING wrong because why doesn’t anyone want to date you?!?!
Saying stuff like this makes people uncomfortable. It also makes you look insecure. And listen, you’re probably really amazing. You’re doing yourself a disservice by putting yourself down just because some people don’t want to date you. Be confident! Stop focusing on what they think. Yeah, it’s easier said than done, but putting yourself down like this just comes off whiney and frustrating.
Which of these single complaints are you sick of hearing? What do you disagree with? What did I forget to include? Tell me in the comments!