Ask A Guy: How To Tell When The Time Is Right To Define Your Relationship

iStock_000018302239_MediumThis guy asked me out a few months ago we’ve been dating ever since, but he’s never explicitly said he likes me. I’m a little frustrated that he hasn’t done that yet. I want to have a serious relationship but I don’t want him to be scared away. When is the right time to have the “what are we?” talk?

When it comes to saying certain things, it can often be secondary in importance to the actions you see, but in your situation, it sounds like there are tons of alarm bells going off–and all with good reason.

I suppose you can say that if he didn’t like you, he wouldn’t be going out with you. But if it’s been more than a few weeks and he hasn’t told you he enjoys being with you or going out with you or anything like that, you’ve got a big red flag on your hands. If he hasn’t said anything like that, there’s a good chance he’s seeing other people, and you’re just someone he is kind of keeping on the side.

If he tries to give you that “I’m just not the type of guy to talk about my feelings” line, run fast! This is nothing more than the excuse of someone who is too scared to actually be in a real relationship, and he’s just stringing you along for as long as he can.

You are totally fine to have “the talk” with him, because it’s certainly been long enough. Assuming you’ve been out on a number of dates, and that it really has been a few months, there is nothing at all wrong with defining things more clearly. If he gets scared away, then he really wasn’t in it in the first place, and you’re far better off without him.

The real question is, why are you in a relationship with someone who doesn’t regularly appreciate you? A real guy will let you know how much you mean to him, how much fun he has with you, and a long list of other great things. If it’s been a few months and he’s still treating you more like a friend, then I think that’s exactly what you are, and you should get clarity and move on!

Best wishes,


Joel Freimark has done a lot in life and seen even more. From last minute international travel to bizarre places to writing award winning books, he’s here to bring his wisdom to all your problems. He hosts a weekly advice series on Youtube and a music series also on YouTube. No question is too outrageous or personal, so go ahead and fire away! Follow him on Twitter.

Are you confused about a guy? Do you find yourself wondering, “What is he thinking?” Tell us everything in the comments! And if you have a question for Joel, email him at!

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