25 Paranoid Thoughts You Have When You Kiss Someone For The First Time

Nothing beats a first kiss. Whether it’s the first time you’ve been kissed at all or the first kiss with a new person, making out is best when it’s a brand new experience.

Let me be clear, though: they’re awesome because they’re awkward. You’re learning how to move your body with another person’s body, who might be giving you different levels of full-body butterflies. It’s a lot of nerves, being in your head, and being blissed out at the same time. Sure, some first kisses make you see fireworks (shout out to you confident non-anxious kissers – rock on), but most of the time there’s far too much happening inside your head. I like to think that over time I’ve gotten more chill about kissing someone for the first time, and I hate to break it to you: kissing someone new doesn’t stop being thrilling. It will melt all your built up layers of cool right off.

It’s a high stakes situation mixed with a tender, sweet moment, and honestly, nothing is more wonderfully awkward and beautiful than kissing someone for the first time. It might happen when you’re watching a movie (#NetflixAndChill), in a car, after a class, or on a really great date, but when it does, get ready to get swept off your feet… by your brain going into overdrive. Here’s every (ok, there’s 25), paranoid thought you have when you’re kissing someone for the first time.

1) Before you even kiss, your brain’s like, “Do they want me to kiss them?”

Did I miss some signal? Was a window open before and I didn’t take my chance when I could have?

 

2) “Do they want to make the first move or should I?”

I’m all for girls making first moves in their careers, but when it comes to romance I’m always wondering if I’m derailing someone’s thought out plan (you usually aren’t).

 

3) But then you’re like… “Let me just move my face closer and see what happens.”

Totally innocuous, definitely flirty, let’s just test the waters.

 

4) “Am I leaning in too much? Is my face to close to NOT be kissing them?”

*sweats*

 

5) Then when it happens, you’re like, “Holy amazeballs their face is on my face!”

At which point you lose all ability to keep your cool. You have no chill, and you know what, you shouldn’t.

 

6) “That’s a whole lot of their bottom lip. Should I switch it up?”

And are they gonna feel it? And notice it was on purpose? Is it going to mess up our rhythm?

 

7) “Was that their tongue?”

Confirmed: it was tongue.

 

8) “Is too much of *my* tongue in *their* mouth?”

 

9) “Did I just hit their teeth by accident?”

Either with your teeth or your tongue on their teeth… this was def me in high school.

 

10) “Am I breathing on them? Can they feel it?”

I have my priorities straight. Kissing someone who makes you feel nervous is sometimes more important than adequate oxygen flow.

 

11) “Can they smell my breath? Does the inside of my mouth taste like Thai food?”

Hey, dinner dates, choose your restaurant wisely.

 

12) “WTF DO I DO WITH MY HANDS?!?!”

How long have my hands been chilling on their neck? What’s wrong with me.

 

13) “Am I sweaty, or are they sweaty, who’s sweat is this?”

Nerves are a thing, y’all.

 

14) “Am I kissing them too long?”

Nothing like a well timed kiss, but if you’re in public, your paranoia kicks in about what length of time is appropriate.

 

15) But if you’re alone you’re thinking, “Do I have somewhere to be?”

Time shouldn’t even be a thought, but sometimes you have appointments and meetings and classes to get to. The temptation to check your watch or your phone is real.

 

16) Or, “Is someone gonna walk in?”

The actual worst.

 

17) “What was that slurping sound? Was it me or them? Is it OK to think it’s funny?”

Too much saliva can kill the mood, but being stumble-y and first time-y together is sweet. Have a sense of humor and move on.

 

18) “Do they like me as much as I like them?”

Can they tell that I’m really into kissing them? Are they more into it than me? Ahhh!!

 

19) “What kind of face are they making?”

 

20) “What kind of face am *I* making?”

 

21) “Maybe I’ll just open my eyes and take a peek…”

 

22) “Nope! What if we make eye contact while also kissing each other?”

I don’t even know how I feel about that, but it makes me nervous.

 

23) “Can I take a break? My mouth is a little tired.”

 

24) And then you take a break and you’re both like, “WTF DO I SAY NOW?”

How do I be sexy without coming on too strong? What’s the right thing to say after you kiss someone for the first time? Like, ever? Ugh…

 

25) But then you’re like, “OK, when can I kiss them again?”

Is right now OK? Am I asking for too much?

Which of these paranoid thoughts can you relate to the most? What did we forget to include? Tell us in the comments!

You can follow the author, Aliee Chan, on Twitter.

 

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