10 Things You Say That You Didn’t Realize Are Actually Slut Shaming

Despite everyone’s best efforts to open people’s minds about female sexuality, slut-shaming is still very much a problem. The idea that women cannot be in charge of their own bodies or feel empowered by their sexuality is deeply ingrained in our culture. Girls are told from a young age to “act like a lady” and to place a high value on their virginity. Women are constantly calling each other “sluts” and judging other females for their outfits or sexual history.

And it’s not just girls doing the name-calling – it’s dudes too. A lot of guys want girls to want sex, but if they find that a girl wants it too much, they automatically label her a slut. Huh? That literally makes no sense. Men face very little of this kind of scrutiny. In fact, when dudes do things that women get branded a “slut” for, they are often celebrated instead of put down.

You’re a feminist – you want to be sex-positive and celebrate your sexuality. However, some of the things that you say may be reinforcing negative ideas about female sexuality without you even realizing it. Because slut-shaming is so culturally acceptable, you might be immune to it. You may know not to say something as bold as, “What a slut!” But you may say it in other ways without even knowing what you’re doing.

Here are 10 phrases you might say that you didn’t realize are actually slut-shaming:


'I Mean, I Would Never Do That, But She Can Do What She Wants'

On one hand, you're saying that you're not going to tell your friend how to behave sexually. That's good! On the other hand, by saying you would never act that way implies that you actually do hold some judgements about her actions. Avoid the phrase "I would never do that" as it propagates the idea that woman should be ashamed of their sexuality.

Source: iStock

'She's Like A Guy When It Comes To Sex, It's Crazy.'

Saying that a girl is "like a guy" about sex because she likes to have sex is implying that only guys can enjoy having sex and have a lot of it. That's ridiculous. Plenty of women enjoy having sex. Besides that, why shouldn't women have a lot of it?

Source: iStock

'You Have To Play Hard To Get'

Saying this to other women makes it seem like the only reason a man would want to be with a woman is if she seems less promiscuous. It's antiquated advice. Whether or not a woman decides to engage sexually with someone she's dating is her decision and shouldn't be decided by "cultural rules."

Source: iStock

'Did You See [pop star's] Outfit?! I Can't Believe She Wore That.'

You do NOT have to agree with every crazy pop-star's outfit choices. You do NOT have to support their decision to wear pasties or go nude. However, sending negative energy toward the female instead of the system that benefits off of turning women's sexuality into a profit. Instead of tearing other women down, get mad at the culture of sexism that demands this of young female stars.

This also applies when talking about the short dress a friend wore and saying she's only doing it for attention, or acting like it's her fault dudes are saying gross things to her. Calling a girl a "slut" for a revealing outfit is not okay.

Source: iStock

'You're On Tinder? Why? Isn't That Just For Sex?'

So many of my friends say this to me (most of them are in relationships.) Even if you aren't on dating apps like tinder, there's no reason to shame another women for doing it. Plus, apps like these aren't solely for hooking up. Assuming that a woman is a being "slutty" for using Tinder is just plain ignorant! And what if she DOES just want a casual hookup? Who cares!

Source: iStock

'She Had Sex With Him The First Night! Can You Believe It?'

A lot of advice for women include the much repeated, "Don't sleep with him on the first date." When women do end up hooking up with someone right away, everyone judges her. Wow, a women wanted to have sex with someone she liked and she did. Shocking! How absurd! Come on, people. The same dudes who call girls whores for doing this are the ones out there trying to get girls to do it.

Source: iStock

'What's Your Sex Number?'

Keeping track of a "sex number" (the number of sexual partners you've had) is a form of slut-shaming. It implies that a woman's value goes down as her number goes up, which is absolutely not true. It's time we retire the whole sex number thing. Who's with me?

Source: iStock

'I Had To Do A Walk of Shame This Morning'

The phrase "walk of shame" has become so commonplace that many women use it jokingly or to poke fun of someone. However, it obviously implies that something "shameful" has taken place the night before. Also, it's used only for females! For some reason, men don't have to feel shame for being sexual. Perhaps you could use the "stride of pride" in its place, or just make no comment about the situation.

Source: iStock

'Act Like A Lady.'

Only your grandma should say this. Telling someone to "act like a lady" after she says something crude about sex, or makes a dirty joke, or does something sexual is a form of slut-shaming. It implies that a REAL women isn't into sex that way, and if you are, you're just not classy. Which is absurd.

Source: iStock

'She Shouldn't Have Sent Nudes If She Didn't Want Them Leaked.'

When nudes get leaked, I hear this argument constantly: "Well, if she didn't want this to happen, she never should have sent them." I can see where this is coming from, but at the same time, I also believe it's wrong. The girl did not do the wrong thing by sending the picture. The person who leaked it did the wrong thing. End of story. And saying that it's the girl's fault is slut-shaming, and putting the blame on her when that's not fair.

Source: iStock

Do you think these phrases are examples of slut-shaming? Have you said these or heard anyone else say them? Let me know in the comments below!

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25 things you didn’t know actually made you a slut

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