I’ll admit it- I can get pretty jealous of my friends. One of my best friends recently landed a lead role on a hot new TV show, and since then everything in her life has changed drastically. Suddenly, she has tons of money, famous friends, and less time for me. It’s not that I’m not happy for her. I AM. It’s just that her success has shown a light on my lack-of-success. Suddenly she’s thrust into a life of glitz and glamour, and I feel like I’m left in the dust.
The good thing about being jealous of a close friend is that it’s completely normal. Feeling envious of someone you care about happens when we are resistant to change or comparing ourselves to others. Andrea Bonior, PhD, author of The Friendship Fix, says “Research shows that we get an emotional boost when we feel like we’re ‘winning out’ in life. When we feel we’re not measuring up, there’s going to be disappointment.” The best thing to do is acknowledge your feelings and try to move past them.
Here are some things that are bound to happen when you start feeling jealous of your BFF:
1. You act happy to their face but not behind their back.
Whenever you see your BFF, you’ll act super supportive and be full of compliments. To other people, however, you either minimize their achievements or you complain about them. You’re downright jealous.
2. You compare yourself to them.
Because this person is close to you, you’ll be more apt to compare their achievements with your own. If your friend starts dating someone, you might become super aware of your singleness. If you friend wins a huge award, it can make you feel like you’re not measuring up. If they accomplish a big goal, you could feel pressure to do the same. Comparing is never healthy, because each person experiences success at different times in life.
3. You will start making passive-aggressive comments.
You’re jealous, so instead of wanting your friend to feel good about themselves, you subconsciously want to tear them down. You start making little comments here and there that seem innocuous but have an undertone of mean.
4. Your BFF will be able to tell that you’re jealous and start to distance themselves.
Your friend is in a good place, and they don’t want to feel the negative energy that you’re bringing in. Whether they realize it or not, they’ll start to avoid you if you’re showing signs of jealousy. No one wants to be near a Debbie Downer.
5. You try really hard to support them.
You know the right thing to do is to be there for your friend through thick and thin. For whatever reason, you’re finding it hard right now. You muster up all your strength and try to be 100% excited for them.
6. You start to obsess over them online.
Maybe you check her snapchats five times a day. Maybe you look at her instagram photos OVER AND OVER AND OVER. Maybe you’re reading all the Facebook comments of “Congrats!” and feeling pangs of envy. Its unhealthy, but you’re finding ways to feed your jealousy.
7. You complain to your mom about how you’re feeling.
You can’t really be honest with your friends, because they might judge you for being jealous. Your mom, however, totally gets it. That’s because she wants the best for you!
8. You start to feel like you’re not a priority anymore.
Your friend has important things on her mind and new exciting people in her life. You may feel like you’ve been pushed aside.
9. You become super sensitive to the way your friend is treating you.
You start reading into everything your friend is doing. Your jealousy is eating at your self-esteem, and now you’re projecting those feelings onto your friend.
10. You blow up at your friend.
You feel like your friend has “forgotten” you and you get needy. You’re insecure that their recent success will leave you in the dust. This erupts into a massive fight.
11. You and your BFF take some time apart.
Things are boiling up, and neither of you are really enjoying being around each other right now.
12. You realize that your jealousy is screwing things up.
There will come a point when you know that the whole “jealous thing” isn’t worth it. At the end of the day, you and your BFF are still the same people. Life has its ups and downs, and you need to be there for each other no matter what.
Have you ever been super jealous of a best friend? Are you still friends? How did you handle it? Let us know in the comments below!