5 Real Ways To Deal When All Of Your Friends Have Baes And You Don’t

Being single can be hard.


How do I know this, you ask? Well, first of all, I am single right now. I also happen to have been (try saying that five times fast) single for, like, the majority of my life, so yeah, I know what it’s like. I actually do really like being single (you may recall that I am an excellent third wheel) but sometimes it gets a little old. This is particularly true when all of your friends are in what appears to be the most loving and fulfilling of relationships and, well…you aren’t. Here is my single girl advice on five actual ways to deal with being single in a sea of couples:

1. I feel like I can never hang out with my friend group because everyone is always together with their SO and I have no one. What do I do?

This is one of those things that feels like a huge issue when it’s happening, but if you ask anyone else–or even just look back on it in a few months or years–you’ll realize that it really isn’t. Seriously, if you’re being invited to events that you aren’t going to because you’re afraid of being the odd one out, stop doing that right now. Your friends just want to hang out with you. They wouldn’t be inviting you places if they didn’t. Plus, most of the stuff you’re probably doing–getting food, hanging out in someone’s basement–doesn’t require a date. So relax!


2. What do you do for, like, school dances and stuff, where everyone already has a built-in date except for you?

Ah, yes. That “thing” when all of your friends are getting asked to dances with elaborate posters, billboards, and flash mobs, and you’re just like mmmomigod. It’s okay, though! If you really want to have a date, you can ask your friends to have their SOs set you up. It might not be the most romantic of occasions–setups rarely are–but if taking pictures with a group and just having someone to be with is what you’re into, this is definitely the move. You can also bite the bullet and just ask someone, whether it’s a crush from one of your classes or just a random friend that you’ve been kind of into lately (a school dance is a good excuse to do something like that, anyway).

Or you can just bring a “date” i.e. a totally platonic friend (girl or guy) that you know nothing will happen with, but just as a companion for the night.

Also, this sounds bad, but the truth is that, if you’re in middle or high school, chances are that at least one relationship in your squad will end eventually. Obviously, don’t hope for this and, like, secretly plot the demise of your friends’ relationships, but the odds are good that by the time prom rolls around, you’ll have another single lady with you.


3. I feel dumb talking to my friends about crushes and stuff when they’re all legitimately dating people. Should I feel this way?

No!! Please, please don’t feel like you can’t talk to your friends about your crushes or anything like that. There’s no JV and varsity in high school dating, and it’s so important to keep positive about really, the relationship stuff that just happens to people at different times–clear eyes, full hearts, can’t lose, and all that. I don’t know how I accidentally turned this into a football analogy, but the point is, you shouldn’t feel like you’re at a different “level” than your friends or anything. I’m sure they want to hear about your crushes and the people you like–after all, they’re tied down (hopefully happily) to someone, but you’re totally free to like anyone. Let them live vicariously through you!

And if your friends are acting like they’re above you just because they’re dating someone, that’s not cool. Tell them so.


4. What can I do when all my friends have date nights and I have nothing to do?

Hopefully, not all of your friends are all going out on dates at the exact same time, but even if that is the case, there are lots of things you can do. Here are some ideas: Hang out with your siblings, reconnect with an old friend, go to the gym, watch that show you’ve been meaning to binge on Netflix, join a new club, start a blog, make dinner with your parents, bake cookies. (You can also, like, do homework and stuff, but I’m not going to tell you that as an actual alternative to a date. But, being single does mean that you have more time to focus on schoolwork!)

Also, if your friends would be open to, say, windowing their dates (as in, alternating them so that they don’t all happen on the same night) so you don’t have to be alone a lot, that would be cool too.


5. I’ve literally never dated anyone and I feel like it’s making it so that my friends and I have nothing in common anymore. What can I do?

Again, this is one of those things that you’re probably maximizing the significance of in your head. Your friends are still the same people even if they are dating someone (and if that’s not the case, that’s definitely another type of problem.) The thing that made you guys friends in the first place, whatever that may be, should still be holding true. Sometimes friendships do just change as times goes on, but if you feel like your friendship is getting weird specifically because of their relationship–like if you feel like you aren’t getting enough time with them or that they are changing significantly because of their relationship, you should definitely talk to them about it. Try to have a night where it’s just you guys hanging out without any of the baes. Your friends should have nights without their SOs, and you should get to have nights with your friends. Good luck!



Have you ever felt very single while all of your friends have SOs? Got any questions about that *~single lyfe~*? Let us know in the comments below!

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