If you haven’t already heard, the latest celebrity beef is pretty brutal: It’s between Demi Lovato and homonyms. A few weeks ago, when someone asked her what her favorite dish was–as in, food–she said, deadpan, “mugs.” Then, she was on feature with BBC in which she drove some girls home from school while they asked her questions and, when she asked what they learned in school, they said, “Inherited genes.” Demi, ever the inquirer, had just this as a follow-up question:
K. It’s not totally fair for me to make fun of Demi, however, as I, too, have had jeans–not genes–on my mind a lot as of late. My favorite pair have recently heaved their final breaths (or, you know, developed one of those cute inner-thigh holes that renders them virtually unwearable), and as such, I must soon go shopping for a new pair. Understandably, I am dreading this, because shopping for jeans is actually–actually–the worst thing ever. In honor of my plight, here are the 17 thoughts we all have when we’re shopping for a new pair of genes. Oh wait, sorry–jeans:
1. Welp, guess I can’t put off the inevitable any longer. It’s time for mama to buy some new jeans.
2. And by that, I mean that it’s time to beg my mom to lend me her credit card so that I can buy new jeans.
3. Alright, well, she’s coming with me now because the last time she lent me her credit card unsupervised, I “bought all of Forever 21” and I “cried” when she made me return it.
4. ♫ Drivin’ to the mall, drivin’ to the mall/ Mom is letting me drive, ’cause I just got my leaner’s permit, y’all ♫
5. Now, the question is–what kind of jeans do I even want?
6. I usually go for skinny, but I hear the ’90s are back. Dare I try…bootcut?
7. I don’t know. I’m just going to grab all of the ones I can see and try them all on. That’s a good plan, right?
8. If I were to buy Calvin Klein jeans, theoretically, would that make me look like I’m trying to look like Kendall Jenner or Justin Bieber? (I want to look like Justin, obviously.)
9. Okay. This one size is too small, and the next one up is too big.
10. I may have overestimated the actual number of jeans that I’ll be able to try on. This is emotionally taxing.
11. Well, the good news is that I appear to be getting a legit workout from hoisting these pants up and down my legs.
12. Great: There is a clear inverse relationship between the jeans that I like and the ones that mom likes.
13. I’ve been thinking the word “jeans” for so long that it’s starting to lose all meaning. Jeans. Genes. Aunt Jean. Aunt Jean’s famous peanut butter mousse pie. Mmm.
14. Do I really need new jeans that badly?
15. NO. I CANNOT GET DISTRACTED.
16. I’m locking myself in here with all of this denim, and one of us is going to emerge victorious. (Hint: It’s me).
17. Dang. Here they are. The one pair that looks so freaking good. I’m in love. Who knew that my butt could ever look this good? It’s like the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, but the pants are all mine.
I’ll take seven pairs!!
Do you also hate shopping for jeans? Why, exactly, does it suck so much? Let us know in the comments below!