5 Things You Need To Know About Texting Your Crush

There’s a lot of good stuff to be said about the process of texting your crush. Like, you know, the actual fact that you have progressed to the level with your crush that you get to text them. And, um, that’s about it, because everything else about texting someone that you like as more than a friend is a complete freaking nightmare.


I’m not trying to be dramatic. It’s just the truth. You never know if you’re texting them too much or too little (aka coming off as excessively “thirsty” or drier than the Sahara Desert during a drought), or if what you’re sending them is the “right” thing or something that will have them thinking, Well, I thought we had something going, but based on our textual banter? I’m saying stop this train. (Or something.) And I’m not alone in thinking this! Many of you, too, are confused about how, exactly you should go about texting your crush. So that is what I am here to tell you!

How Do I Make Words With Friends Something Real?

So, this guy from my band class and I have been playing Words With Friends together for literally six months. We talk on the chat app there a lot–like real talking, not just small talk–but I think it’s weird that it’s just on the app. How do I make it so we start texting for real?-Emma

Hi Emma:

Aw, a Words With Friends meet cute flirtation! I can almost see Nora Ephron writing a movie about this (Meg Ryan would be so great as a neurotic Words With Friends-addicted flute player, don’t you think?) Anyway. If you’re talking all the time already, you can and should definitely make the first move towards actual texting. It could be that this guy really likes talking to you and doesn’t want to spook you off, so he’s nervous to ask for your number–or, it’s also very possible that he hasn’t even considered taking the next step of communication, since he feels like you’re having great conversations on Words With Friends–why mess with that?

Either way, here’s what you can do–next time you’re talking on the app, just say something like, “Random, but mind if I give you my number? I like beating you on Words With Friends, but I think texting for real would be fun, too.”

If you really need an excuse to do so, you can just say that your words with friends app has been a little wonky lately, but your iMessage is much more reliable. Good luck!


Hot & Cold

Lately, one of my guy friends has been sending me SUPER flirty text messages but acting like we are barely even friends in person. How do I respond to this? I don’t want to be really flirty over text and then feel weird in person (which is basically what’s happening now). Help!–Allison

Hi Allison:

Hmm. This is…odd. It’s very possible that he likes you and feels like the only way he can express that is through text. Or, you might not be the only one he’s being flirty to–he could be sending lots of girls flirty messages in hopes that he gets something back.

So, basically, it kind of depends on what you know about him to figure it out. Either way, I’d recommend tackling it over text, because that’s where he seems to be the most responsive. The next time he sends you something that reads as more “flirt” than “friend,” just ask him what gives. Say, like, “This might sound weird, but I’ve noticed that you act REALLY friendly over text but not at all in person. I don’t mind either way, but I feel like I don’t know which way you actually feel about me!”

He might not respond. In that case, ask him in person–he has to give a straight answer in one of these two forms. Good luck!

Don’t feel weird about it–he’s the one who’s acting strange, so you definitely deserve some sort of answer.


My Crush NEVER Texts First

My crush never texts me first and I don’t know what to do. A lot of times I stop texting him for awhile then I go back to texting him but our conversation are so short.  I’m pretty sure he doesn’t like me back and he has a girlfriend too. Please, I want advice! Anonymous

Hi Anonymous:

I’m sorry, but I don’t know if this guy could be sending you any clearer of a signal: You’ve really got to stop texting him. Obviously you can’t really control who you like–we’ve all had crushes on people we have no business liking–but it’s not exactly cool to consistently text someone who you know for a fact is taken. This is easier said than done, of course, but it really does need to be done. My advice is to totally delete his number and unfollow/mute him on any forms of social media. It’ll be hard for a while, but this guy hasn’t really given you any incentive to stay involved in his life at all, so it will definitely get easier as time goes on. Plus, cutting off your texting habit will make it easier for you to get over him–and find someone else who wold love to text with you–in the long run. Good luck!


Texting Faux Pas?

 I told my crush over text that I like him and he said that he likes me back and I thought he meant as crush but apparently he meant friend. Then I told my two closest friends and they went and told him that they knew and he said that he doesn’t like me and I feel really embarrassed. What do I do?–Belinda

Hi Belinda:

Yikes. It’s always kind of uncomfortable when a texting miscommunication bleeds over into the IRL world. I’d definitely try to talk to him one-on-one about it–in person, if you can, just so there aren’t any crossed wires. If you’re okay with just being friends with him, you can just say something like, “Hey, sorry that my friends kind of attacked you by asking if you liked me. Just so you know, I don’t want things to be awkward and I’m totally fine with just being friends.”

He’ll definitely appreciate you taking the initiative to talk with him about this. Also, although I wouldn’t count on this, it is possible that he does like you and was just intimidated by your friends accosting him. The best way to clear it up is definitely to ask him. Good luck!


He Likes Me But He Won’t Text Me

I’ve been on a couple dates with this guy. He’s really flirty with me but all of sudden he has stopped texting me and I don’t know why? He said that he wants to carry on meeting me and he thinks I’m a really great person, but how can you go from saying that to not answering me? I don’t want to keep texting him and making him feel as though he has to answer me or make myself look needy, but what should I do? In the past he has been really bad at texting anyway and I brought it up with him and he was more than happy to show me his phone and prove to me that he doesn’t even answer his mates. Help!–Judy

Hi Judy,

It seems as though you’ve met one of those people who likes “living in the moment” and “not being on their phone.” Weird! Honestly, I think this is a good thing for the most part, but think about how important texting is to you in the long run. Do you really need to text all the time, or are you okay only talking when you see him in person? You won’t be getting “good morning” texts from him every day, but you will know that he’ll be totally present whenever you are with him.

You can definitely ask for a compromise, though–tell him that you don’t need hours-long texting conversations, but you would like responses to direct questions that you ask as well as some occasional texting confirmations that he’s alive. Good luck!


 Do you think texting your crush is hard? What advice would you give these girls? Let us know in the comments below!

You can reach the author, Sara Hendricks, on Twitter and Instagram.

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