How Do You Know If He’s Lying About Texts From Another Girl?

Dear Heather,

I’m sure you’ve heard this before. I went through my man’s phone, and… well, I found some texts that were weird and looked like they were from a girl – but they were under the name “Andrew.” I called the number from a blocked phone number, and a girl answered. I hung up and confronted my boyfriend, who told me that Andrew is an old friend and it was just his girlfriend answering his phone. But I’m pretty sure you don’t text your old friend flirty messages and kiss face emojis.

My question is this: should I text the girl to ask more, or should I just trust him?


It seems pretty obvious that something weird is going on here. I say this not because of the texts or your boyfriend’s explanation, but because you felt the need to go through his phone in the first place. There’s only one reason why you would look through his text messages, and that reason is that you don’t trust him. You clearly felt uncomfortable about something he was doing, and so you went through his stuff to find an explanation.

Trust is an essential part of any relationship, and if it’s not there, things are going to be very difficult. And while I wish you talked to your boyfriend about this before going through his phone, I’m not going to beat you up for that mistake. You found some weird texts, and I don’t blame you for being suspicious! Unless your boyfriend is bisexual and potentially actually flirting with his old friend “Andrew,” it sounds like he’s lying to cover something up.

So what do I think you should do? I think you should pay very close attention to that niggling feeling in your gut. You know, the one that caused you to go through his phone to see what he was doing behind your back. The feeling that then caused you to actually call the number to see if it was really someone named “Andrew.” And the little feeling that is still making you consider something else could be going on even after your boyfriend gave you an explanation. That feeling that is making you second guess everything is your gut, telling you that something is off here.

If you want, you can certainly text or call that number and try to get the truth from the girl who originally answered. But keep in mind that this might not work. If this is a girl your boyfriend is flirting with or even having some sort of relationship with, then by now, he has more than likely explained to her what’s going on and has asked her to lie for him. It’s entirely possible that she lies to you, too. It’s also possible that she doesn’t know you exist, so calling her might help you out. But really, who knows?

Here’s what I REALLY think you should do: talk to your boyfriend. Confront him and tell him that you honestly don’t believe him. See what happens, and see what he says. You will be able to tell if he’s being shady, even if you don’t really want to admit it to yourself. And at the end of the day, if things still don’t feel right, then maybe you should consider ending things with him. This whole situation is honestly very odd, and to me, it doesn’t sound like your boyfriend is telling you the truth.

take care,

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Posted in: Help Me Heather, Love Advice
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