10 Real Horror Stories About First Time Sex That Will Make You Laugh

The first time you do anything can be awkward, uncomfortable, and weird. So it makes sense that your first time having sex would be all of those things – and maybe a little painful and confusing too. Of course, the first time isn’t always bad, but for a lot of girls, it is. That’s why there are so many horror stories out there.

So, the bad news is that you might have a weird experience the first time you have sex. The good news is that one day, that weird experience will (hopefully, barring anything too serious) become a hilarious sex story you can share when gossiping with girlfriends… or reading Gurl.com or going on Reddit or something. I pulled 10 real horror stories about first time sex from this Ask Reddit thread. The scariest part of these? They can happen at anytime!

He Switched Partners

jessiemichele: I was really young and wanted this guy to like me so bad. We were at a party and by the end of the night had ended up with his friend and my friend all in the same room. We had our own bed, but he couldn't find the hole and I was to scared to touch it and do it. The icing on the cake was after it was all over, my friend (a girl) ended up crashing on the same bed as us and I woke up to him fingering her.

Source: iStock

She Couldn't Get It In

MelloD: Last night was (supposed to be) our first time. When my boyfriend tried to enter, I was just too tight. We had lots of fun foreplay, had the condom on, and ready to go emotionally..... and it was hurting and he just couldn't go in. Its not like he's that huge that size was a problem. I don't regret it or anything, I'm just so disappointed after all of the build up.

Source: iStock

The Guy Ended Up Being A Huge Jerk

tarantulaguy: I had just turned 15 years old and I was having an incredibly hard time at school. I wanted to feel loved so badly, and a guy a couple years older seemed to want to be that person. He took me to his place and made me be on top. It was uncomfortable and painful, but he kept urging me to keep going. After he came, he asked me if I was really a virgin because I wasn't so bad for someone who had never had sex. I went home feeling awful and gross.

The next day he sent me a link to a YouTube MV; the song was about a man who hurts his lover by cheating on her, and that he hates to do this but he needs to end things with her. He dumped me that night, then started dating a girl in the same school immediately. All I had to show for this was a 2 week absence from school as I recovered from the glandular fever he gave me, rumours that I had an STD, and quite a bit of slut-shaming from the people in my grade + the grade above.

Source: iStock

He... Left?

Iscrollforlinks: My first time, I was home alone. I was a senior in high school and it was my first real boyfriend, who was about to join the army and didn't have a really good rep. We were in my bedroom kissing, making out, feeling good. We start having sex and it's painful but not too bad.

Suddenly, while he's inside me, he springs his head up and is dead silent. As soon as I ask him what's wrong he grabs his clothes, darts to the bathroom, flushes the condom, dresses, and runs out the door. This happened within 2 minutes and all I could do was lay there confused and naked.

I couldn't get a hold of him for a couple hours and finally he shows up again and says he thought he heard my dad coming home. It was just so funny, I've never seen someone react that way to anything. We broke up soon after but I can't help but laugh when I remember my first time.

Source: iStock

He Insulted Her

nicoleislazy: My first time was...interesting. Was with a friend I didn't know too well and a few minutes in he says 'You're like a dead horse, love'. At least he had a British accent.

Source: iStock

People Were Crying

what_a_cat_astrophe: OH GOD. We had it all planned out. Like, "Ok we are going to go to dinner, bring dessert home takeout style, and watch.. Silent Hill.. Then we're gonna DO IT!"

On the way home, we stopped by to swoop condoms from the Walgreens down the street. The condom aisle was empty, so my SO at the time had to ask the clerk for them. Clerk goes, "Shoot, I don't know.." and proceeds to get on the intercom and asks about them. I wish I was kidding.

Onto Silent Hill.. Pretty good movie, until the villain literally gets sexed up by possessed barbed wire at the end. Now I'm REALLY wanting things in my vagina...

Then his dad and his crying Korean girlfriend roll in as we're getting situated. They'd had a fiasco at the border. Her Visa expired and she was moving back to Korea, but wanted to stay with my boyfriend's dad in our country before she left and the border folks were really sketched out by it.

Tl;dr: Lost virginity to the muffled sounds of crying boyfriend's dad's girlfriend after watching barbed wire sex movie.

Source: iStock

He Had No Idea What He Was Doing

NapoleonTheLefty: My first time was with this guy who also had little sexual experience. To start off, we did it in his closet. Then, he had trouble with his condom so I went on my phone and pulled up the wiki how on how to put it on properly (I read the steps out aloud and he followed). After he got it on, it took about five attempts to get it in. And neither of us finished. It was still a nice enough experience for my first time, except for the fact that another girl gave him a blowjob at a party we both attended the night after we banged.

Source: iStock

Things Got Bloody

weekend-wars: It was upstairs in my friend's tv room at her 17th birthday. I had hooked up with the guy at another party the week before, so it was expected that we were going to hook up again, I just didn't think it would get that far.

Anyway the sex itself was pretty great can't complain, problem is, the room was quite dark so we didn't realise, but when it was over and we turned on the lights... blood. everywhere. All over the couch, on his shirt, it was gross. To this day the friend whose party it was calls it "the Blood Couch".

Source: iStock

The Guy Turned Out To Be A Loser

nitarrific: I had pined after this guy for a couple years. We had always flirted, but things were finally starting to heat up. We started meeting up to fool around. One day, it finally escalated to sex. I thought to myself, "This is it! We're doing this. I'm so happy it's him. I really, really like this guy!"

Then we had awkward, uncomfortable, first-time sex and after he left he pretty much fell off the map. Suddenly became unavailable all the time. Starting dating a new girl. Every few months he'd lead me back on again, only to drop me like a bad habit immediately after getting a positive response from me. This experience pretty much set the tone for all of my future sexual encounters for the next ten years.

Source: iStock

Third Time's The Charm?

bekfairr: My first time, the guy came while he was putting the condom on and then couldn't get it up, so no losing my virginity that day.

The second time I tried I still didn't lose my virginity. The guy just stuck it in between my thighs and happily thrusted away until he came, to my immense confusion. Best bit is that he claimed to be a "seasoned virginity taker"...clearly not. I even pointed out that I really didn't think this was how it was meant to happen...nope, he was absolutely adamant that he had taken my virginity. Whatever.

When I actually had sex for the first time I was insanely nervous so it hurt quite a bit, and he was too nervous to come for nearly two hours - in the end we gave up and went to sleep instead. It's a lot more fun for both parties now.

Source: iStock

Which of these first time horror stories did you think was the worst? What is your first time horror story? Tell us in the comments!

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