Ask A Guy: Are You Doing Anything Wrong To Turn Guys Off?

iStock_000017672931_MediumHi Joel,

I’m towards the end of my high school career, and I have never been asked out or kissed. I don’t know why, though, because I have many good qualities. I even asked my friends (both guys and girls) if they think I’m doing something wrong, and they said no. However, I’m not sure if theyre telling me the truth or not. I’m pretty confident and bold, so maybe that’s turning guys off? I’m also quite loud, and I have a pretty quick witted, dry sense of humor, so people might not like that either. I just thought by now I would’ve been asked out at least once! Why hasn’t it happened yet?

Let’s get one thing out of the way: NEVER be anything but yourself. If you’re a confident and witty person, take pride in that. Just because the guys you go to school with can’t appreciate that, know that there are TONS of guys in the world who adore exactly those traits. Your friends are no doubt telling you the truth, and it’s likely that the reason they are your friends is because of those exact qualities.

That being said, I totally get that you’re feeling slightly unwanted or even a bit alone. It is totally natural to feel that way, especially as you approach the end of high school and get ready for “the real world.” You’re far from alone in these feelings and people in your situation are a lot more common than you might think. This is mostly because high school is such a limited group of people, and in most cases, once you get outside of that smaller selection, relationships are more frequent and more rewarding.

One way to find guys who will be interested in you is to get out there and find communities around whatever interests or hobbies you have. Whether you’re into music, meditation, mountain biking or mystery novels, there are tons of online and in-person resources to help you find groups of like-minded people. Once you’re surrounded by people you have more in common with, the connections will be more meaningful.

Which brings me to my final thought: why rush something that’s going to be less than great? Sure, it’s nice to have experiences and feel wanted, but wouldn’t you rather wait for someone who is really into you for everything that you are? Trust that there are plenty of amazing guys out there just waiting to meet you, and there’s no good reason to settle for second best!

Best wishes,


Joel Freimark has done a lot in life and seen even more. From last minute international travel to bizarre places to writing award winning books, he’s here to bring his wisdom to all your problems. He hosts a weekly advice series on Youtube and a music series also on YouTube. No question is too outrageous or personal, so go ahead and fire away! Follow him on Twitter.

Are you confused about a guy? Do you find yourself wondering, “What is he thinking?” Tell us everything in the comments! And if you have a question for Joel, email him at!

When Is It Okay To Date Your Older Brother’s Friend?

Follow Gurl, pretty please!
FacebookTwitterTumblr and Instagram

Posted in: Ask A Guy
Tags: , ,