If you think about it, your first kiss is pretty much just like your first period.
When you’re waiting for your period, it seems like it’s happened to literally everyone else, and they’re all having a great time without you in this secret period club– doing things like, I don’t know, passing tampons around and loudly commiserating about cramps together– that you haven’t gotten invited to yet. But then, when your first period does actually happen, it’s like, Oh. This is what I was waiting for?
As someone who was late to both parties–the period and the first kiss one– I can tell you that all of this basically applies to your first kiss, too. First kisses seem amazing (I am thinking, particularly, of those first kiss YouTube videos, which makes it seem as though all first kisses are the greatest) but when it actually finally happens, it’s basically the same Oh feeling as your first period. Though with less blood. Usually. Lately, a lot of you have been asking about first kisses, and what it’s like to have never been kissed, so here are those q’s–answered:
Never Been Kissed, Never Had A Real Boyfriend
What if you’re nineteen, and a freshman in college who has never been kissed, and has never had a real boyfriend? Anonymous
Don’t worry! This is totally, totally normal. While you’ll come across a lot of people your freshman who seem to have done a lot of kissing, etc.-type things, there are also a lot of people who haven’t really done anything. They’re just less vocal about it, usually. So, not having been kissed and not having a boyfriend is definitely not an indicator of eternal spinsterhood or anything, it just means that it hasn’t happened to you yet. So, don’t sweat it! This is easier said than done, obviously, but if you just take your mind off of what seems like the task of getting kissed and getting a bae, you’ll find that it happens sooner than you expect. Good luck!
My Friends All Have Baes And I Feel Like I’m Going To Be Alone Forever
I’m feeling very alone and ugly because I’m thirteen and all of my friends already have been kissed and have boyfriends. I haven’t. Some of them tease me and tell me that I’ll never have a boyfriend. I just want someone to be there for me and I feel so alone all the time. Help!- Zooey
Please, please don’t get too hung up on this. First of all, your friends don’t sound all that helpful, so tell them to lay off because it’s totally normal to be single when you’re thirteen. It can be fun to have a bae, obviously, but you definitely don’t need to have a boyfriend. Life can even be better without one, sometimes–you aren’t consistently bound to what your person wants to do, and you don’t have to deal with consistent drama that happens in pretty much every relationship.
So, please don’t focus on just getting kissed or just getting a boyfriend. If that’s your main goal, sure, it’ll probably happen at some point or another–but it probably won’t feel right, just because you’ve been hyper-focused on it for so long. So, my advice is to relax. Be yourself, figure out what you like to do on your own, and before you know it, you’ll meet the right person. Good luck!
I Haven’t Had Any “Firsts” Yet
All my friends are in relationships currently and they are all experiencing their “first times” while I haven’t even had my first kiss. I have never been too self-conscious about my lack of experience, but now that my friends are all going through it I am starting to feel left behind. It’s not only my friends going through this but my whole world, including my younger sister. It sucks to think that no one wants to kiss me and be with me. I am sure that isn’t true, I am sure that there is some guy out there who finds me attractive, but the fact that guys who have found my friends attractive have told them that, and that there are no guys willing to step up and tell me so hurts. I just want to be kissed by someone who likes me, is that too much to ask?- Emily
No, that’s definitely not too much to ask! It’s hard when all of your friends seem to be deep into something that you haven’t even really begun to touch upon. I (and many other people) can definitely relate to this.
Fortunately, based on what you’re saying here, it seems like you have a really good grasp on this situation, so I’ll just emphasize what it seems like you already know: Just because you haven’t been kissed yet doesn’t mean that you aren’t great and desirable and good girlfriend material etc. etc. It just means that it hasn’t happened yet. So, I think my only advice to you would just be to put yourself out there a little more. Now, I totally understand how “putting yourself out there” is an aggravatingly vague piece of advice (like, where, exactly, is “out there?”). So I will elaborate. Basically, just speak up a little when it doesn’t feel totally natural for you to do so, and maybe go to some events that you haven’t been going to before. Don’t be afraid to ask people to go to school dances and things like that, either. You’d be surprised how much the events in your life can change once you make the conscious effort just to make a few tiny changes of your own. Good luck!
Are you still waiting for your first kiss? What advice would you give to these girls? Let us know in the comments below!