Oh, hello. Hey, seeing as we’re all on this place called the “internet” right now, I thought I’d ask you a question: Have you ever had a casual (or not-so-casual) creepfest on your crush’s social media footprint? Otherwise known as “stalking your crush online,” to many of us mere mortals?
Haha! That was a trick question, my friend, because there is absolutely no way that you haven’t done that, for it is a truth universally acknowledged (that a single man in want of a good fortune, blah, blah, blah) that literally everyone high-key stalks their crush online at one point or another. It’s fine. No one has any chill anymore. Call it the Taylor Swift effect!
Still, though, no matter how many times you stalk a crush online, you never really get over the sheer thrill of it–the ups, the downs, the fear that you will accidentally double-tap their 98-week-old Instagram of them with their ex. Oh, what a rush! Check out these 12 feelings we all totally have while stalking a crush online:
1. “I just need to find their Facebook. So I can prove that they exist. On the internet.”
We all start somewhere.
2. “WHO TOLD THEM IT WAS A GOOD IDEA TO HAVE FROSTED TIPS AND WEAR CARGO SHORTS TWO YEARS AGO.”
No, seriously. Who did this.
3. “Also, WHO is this girl in all of their pictures and WHY is it not me?”
Oh. It’s their sister.
4. “Welp, I’ve now looked through every one of their profile pictures. Time to move on.”
To a new form of social media, that is. No turning back now.
5. “How weird would it be, actually, if I liked this picture from 2012?”
Pretty weird, probably.
6. “Wait. Can they see me?”
I just feel like they can.
7. “THEY follow Katy Perry on Twitter? I ALSO FOLLOW KATY PERRY ON TWITTER. WE ARE OBVIOUSLY SOULMATES.”
Never mind that Katy Perry is literally the most-followed person on Twitter. This means something.
8. “Ah, their Twitter presence is on point. I can hear our banter already! So witty!”
As long as we talk in 140 characters or less at all times, that is.
9. “Wait. Now I’m scared that I’ll accidentally reference something I saw online the next time we speak.”
You: “Well, I know you like Kendrick Lamar. I like him too.”
Them: “How do you know that? I never told you that.”
You: *runs away, smashes your computer in half, weeps for the rest of your days*
10. “Can I add them on Snapchat? I want to see their stories.”
That says a lot about a person, you know.
11. “Huh, private Instagram account. What do you think I am, an AMATEUR?”
Please. Challenge me.
12. “Wait, now I’m on their sister’s boyfriend’s mom’s Facebook. She lives in Idaho and now I know all about her life. Including where they went for family vacation in 2011. Which was Puerto Rico, by the way.”
It’s gone too far. Help.
Are you guilty of internet-stalking your crushes? How deep do you go, usually? Let us know in the comments below!
Follow Gurl, pretty please!