Ask A Guy: My Boyfriend Is Insensitive And Lacks Romance, What Should I Do?


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My boyfriend is really insensitive and un-romantic, what do I do?

These are two completely different issues, one being far more concerning than the other. Both are solvable, but it comes down to how much patience you have.

While there are lists of excuses for people being insensitive, none of them hold any water and you really shouldn’t stand for such childish behavior. Even if you’re still young in years, there is never any acceptable reason to not show understanding and compassion–especially when it comes to your girlfriend.

No matter how big, burly or badass he may think he is, not being able to sympathize, empathize or just show common decency is outright unacceptable, and it can become very embarrassing for you.  I would tell him he needs to fix it ASAP or you’re done. If he “doesn’t know any other way,” tell him to go get some counseling, as this is an issue you should not tolerate at all!

Being un-romantic is slightly different, because most guys aren’t taught much beyond “flowers on birthdays, chocolate on Valentine’s Day.” In fact, the vast majority of guys think that if they remember this lower-than-basic rule of thumb, they deserve to be voted Boyfriend Of The Decade.

It may seem like you’re doing all the work, but if he is THAT un-romantic, feed him a few ideas. Let him know some ways he could surprise you, and hopefully once he’s done it a few times, he’ll be able to come up with his own ideas. You can also send him over to YouTube, as there are tons of videos of guys being very romantic for him to take notes from.

However, if you’re looking for big, public displays of affection, that may take a lot more time. He may not be comfortable showing emotion like that to the world, so start small, and in time, he should get the idea.

When it comes to romance, guys just love to say “that’s not the type of guy I am.” This is nothing more than a canned excuse, and if he’s not willing to learn some new tricks, you may want to consider if you’re willing to settle for such a bland guy!

Best wishes,


Joel Freimark has done a lot in life and seen even more. From last minute international travel to bizarre places to writing award winning books, he’s here to bring his wisdom to all your problems. He hosts a weekly advice series on Youtube and a music series also on YouTube.. No question is too outrageous or personal, so go ahead and fire away! Follow him on Twitter.

Are you confused about a guy? Do you find yourself wondering, “What is he thinking?” Tell us everything in the comments! And if you have a question for Joel, email him at!

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