Ask A Guy: What Makes A Guy Just Fall Out Of Love?

Photo Source: iStock

Photo Source: iStock

Hey Joel,

My ex broke up with me. Our relationship had ups & downs, but I think we both were madly in love. It’s been three weeks post-breakup, and his reason is that he just doesn’t feel the same anymore. We won’t be seeing each other for two months. My question is do you think when he sees me at school he will love me again? What makes guys just fall out of love?

There are few things in history more confusing than love, as it feels different for everyone, and due to that, has a different impact on every person. Some people run to love when they feel it, while others get scared and nervous, so there’s no perfect answer to why things fall apart.

While it’s true that every relationship has ups and downs, if there are constant issues, this can be a sign of deeper, fundamental problems in the relationship. That is to say, arguing and disagreeing from time to time is normal, but if you find yourself always in heated debates, it might be time to reconsider being together.

In your case, the wounds from the breakup are still very fresh, and I am sure there is some glimmer of hope in your heart that it was all a mistake, and things will be back to normal once he comes to his senses. However, I firmly believe that once a couple breaks up, it is very rare that getting back together will result in anything other than another breakup. There was something at the core of your relationship that caused things to end, and in almost every case, that is something that cannot be repaired.

I am not sure if anyone can say what it is that causes people to stop loving one another, and I think it actually comes down to the difference between loving someone and being IN LOVE with someone. I’ve no doubt that he still cares for you greatly, but he may just not be IN love with you anymore. This can be due to a variety of reasons, and if he was honest with his answer, there’s really not much you can push for beyond that.

My advice to you is to take some time for yourself and enjoy being single for a bit. Think about what you didn’t have in that relationship that you really want, and consider what you learned that you can bring to your next relationship. I would be very wary of hopping into something with a new guy or trying to rekindle the old flame, as both will likely lead to more heartbreak.

Go back to school completely fresh and open minded, and I guarantee you’ll find an amazing guy right around the corner!

Best of luck!


Joel Freimark has done a lot in life and seen even more. From last minute international travel to bizarre places to writing award winning books, he’s here to bring his wisdom to all your problems. He hosts a weekly advice series on Youtube and a music series also on YouTube.. No question is too outrageous or personal, so go ahead and fire away! Follow him on Twitter.

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Posted in: Ask A Guy, Love Advice
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