When your friend breaks up with their boyfriend/girlfriend, it can be tricky to maneuver through the tension. You have to be sensitive to how your friend is feeling and also not totally rude to their ex (unless their ex is a horrible person – in that case, give them the cold shoulder all you want!). The last part is especially difficult if you’re friends with their ex, or just happen to see them in your social circle.
However, all too often you can get sucked into getting too close to your friend’s ex (if you know what I mean), which is definitely not cool. Nothing will alienate a friend quicker than them finding out you are spending quality time with their former bae. There are just certain rules you need to follow if you want to be a good friend! After all, “chicks before dicks” rules the day. Here is the official girl code for dealing with a friend’s ex:
Don't Badmouth The Ex To Your FriendYou're going to be tempted to spill your guts to your BFF about all the things that bothered you about her ex when they break up. DON'T DO IT. The chances are too high that they will get back together, and then you'll have to deal with all the bad stuff that you said. Try and be supportive of your friend during the breakup without vilifying the other person. Saying things like, "You just weren't the right match" and "I can't wait until you find someone who really appreciates you" are positive ways of showing you're there for your friend. Source: iStock
Avoid Hanging Out With Their Ex Right After They Break UpIt's one thing to be cordial with your friend's ex after their breakup (especially if it was amicable). There is no reason to be rude to someone just because they are no longer dating your friend. At the same time, though, you don't need to be super close with their ex if you weren't super close with them before these two started dating. While your friend is still feeling devastated and the breakup is fresh, avoid hanging with the ex as much as possible. This can be tricky if you have the same friends, so if you end up hanging with the ex in a group, just be honest to your friend about it - trying to hide it will make things worse. The exception to the rule is if you were friends with the ex before those two started dating. If this person is a good friend of yours, then there's no reason that friendship can't continue just because their relationship ended. Just be respectful and don't shove it in your friend's face for a little while. Source: iStock
Stay Friends While Being RespectfulIf you're still friends with your friends ex, try not to shove your relationship in your friend's face by posting lots of pictures on social media. It might be hurtful to your friend if she sees that you are blowing up their ex's Facebook wall. Refrain from being all over their social media profiles soon after the breakup. It's all about showing loyalty and solidarity with your friend while still being a nice person! Staying friends with both people will be tricky, but just requires some basic respect. Source: iStock
Never Date A BFF's ExIt can be tempting to date a friend's ex after they break up, especially if you're close with their ex and have always had a little crush. However, there are a few things to watch out for. One, the ex may be trying to get back at your friend for the breakup. They could be lonely and looking for a surefire way to hurt your friend...you do NOT want to be a pawn in this jilted love game! Also, your friend might even give you the green light to date her ex, but inside she's not okay with it. It's very rare that a person can see their former flame with a friend and not have negative feelings about it. Better to be safe than sorry - stay away from romantic relationships with your friends' exes unless you are looking to lose a BFF! Source: iStock
Be Honest With Your Friend If You Want To Date Her ExThe best idea is to stay away from her ex in a romantic way for a while, but if you can't do that, then you owe it to her to be honest. If you date the ex behind your friend's back, you will have destroyed her trust. Be honest with your friend about your feelings. She may not respond the way you want her to, but telling her is the right thing to do. Source: iStock
Don't Spy On The Ex For Your FriendTelling your friend information about her ex will only keep her focused on the past and bring her sadness. Even if the gossip you are telling her makes the ex looks bad, it's better to not talk about them at all. Help her move on with her life by focusing on the positive rather than the negative. Source: iStock
Don't Be Mean Just Because Your Friend Wants You ToAfter a relationship ends, your friend might want you to be rude to her ex either by ignoring them or saying mean things. Don't get involved! There's no need to be super nice to the ex, but there's also no reason to act rude. This is between your friend and her, not you. Don't get in the middle of things. Source: iStock
Don't Rush To Delete Them Off SocialWhen your BFF breaks up with their bae, you might think you need to delete them off Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, etc. If you don't have a personal problem with this person, there's no reason to completely cut them out of your life just because your friend doesn't date them anymore. Be your own person! Source: iStock
Which of these girl code rules do you follow? What do you disagree with? What did I forget? Tell me in the comments!