20 Things You’ll Only Understand If You Have To Pee All The Time

Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?

I don’t. This is because I am assuming that Ms. Katy Perry meant “plastic bag” as a euphemism for “bladder” and the fact of the matter is that my bladder is literally never empty.

But then again, maybe I just have bladders on my mind because I *literally* always have to pee. Ever since I was a young lass, this has been the case: I am a thirsty individual, so I drink a lot of water (What can I say? I like my pee like a Scientologist likes their thetan: clear), which probably doesn’t help things, either.  The point is, I always, always, always have to pee. If you do too, you’ll understand these 20 struggles:

1. You can pee on command.

peepeedance

Even if you don’t have to pee…you have to pee.

 

2. Your friends often introduce you as their friend who always has to pee.

mean-girls

My friend Shayna once presented me to a large group by saying, “This is Sara, the one with the kitten-sized bladder.”

 

3. Every time you get really into something–writing a book, watching a movie, writing a paper–it’s interrupted by your bladder. 

gotta-pee

Bladders ruin lives.

 

4. Flying is an actual nightmare for you because every time you have to pee (which is, you know, inevitable) you have to force your way out of a tiny airplane seat past your disgruntled seat mates, all for the…airplane bathroom.

bridesmaids

Ew.

 

5. You’ve peed in some…questionable locations.

shower

I do not endorse peeing outside, because you can get in a lot of trouble for that. But sometimes when you have to go…you have to go. And that’s all I’m gonna say about that.

 

6. Your bedtime routine goes something like this: Pee, drink final glass of water, pee, wash face, pee, brush teeth.

brushingteeth

Then you pee one more time and it’s off to bed for you!

 

7. You can’t remember the last time you slept through the night without having to get up to pee.

hmm

Must be nice.

 

8. Every time you enter a new location, the first thing you do is scope out the bathrooms.

scopingout

If you don’t already know where they all are, that is.

 

9. Your friends ask you what’s wrong if you leave to go somewhere and you don’t pee before you go. 

whats-wrong

They’re just looking out for you.

 

10. Anytime you go to a restaurant with a booth, you make sure to sit at the edge.

restayrant

It’s just common courtesy.

 

11. You endure constant inner battles over whether or not to drink coffee and soda because you know they will just make your situation worse.

have-to-pee-boo

Diuretics, man.

 

12. Waterfalls aren’t soothing to you, because they just make you have to pee:

waterfall

 

13. So does this:

runningwater

 

14. And this:

gutter

Sorry.

 

15. It is INSANE to you that some people can sit through a whole movie without having to pee.

crazy

THAT’S TWO FULL HOURS WITHOUT PEEING.

 

16. You’ve wondered if you have some sort of rare disease because peeing this much simply can’t be normal.

what's wrong

You probably don’t. I’ve WebMD’d it many a time. But still.

 

17. Your teachers always think you’re trying to get out of class since you ask for the bathroom pass at LEAST once a class.

holdingyourpee

I love learning, I promise! I *also* just really have to pee.

 

18. You scoff at people who have anxiety over peeing in a cup at the doctor’s.

gurlplease

Please.

 

19. You think peeing is a reasonable response to, well…anything.

peeonyou

What? Might as well find a purpose for it.

 

20. Now that you’ve finished this list, you’re probably heading off to go pee.

mcdonalds

 

If you haven’t already.

Are you a constant peer? Did this make you have to pee? Let us know in the comments below!

You can follow the author, Sara Hendricks, on Twitter or Instagram.

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  • Charlotte

    Um, do you really think it’s appropriate to use a gif with the words “socially retarded” given the amount of social justice stuff you post?