Ask A Guy: What Should You Do If A Guy You Hooked Up With Is Spreading Rumors?

Photo Source: iStock

Photo Source: iStock

Hey Joel,

So I was hooking up with this guy for about a month and a half. I’m also best friends with his brother (who is gay) and during this time he would stop talking to me and then ask for it again. It seemed everything was going good, but I told him I didn’t want a relationship. I figured that meant he didn’t actually want more then sex, but I was cool to keep hooking up. Then he slept with me, and two days later was in a relationship. After this I went out and had some casual things with randoms, and he found out about it. Now he’s telling people I’m a skank. Why is he acting like this? Did I do something wrong?

It goes without saying that “friends with benefits” rarely ends well, as there are a host of reasons that can drive things South and usually end with lost friendships. While you both may have entered on the same page, it is inevitable that someone develops stronger emotions than expected, and when it ends, it gets bad.

First I want to address just who this guy is, as it’s generally a bad move to hook up with the sibling of a good friend. Regardless of your friend’s gender or orientation, it makes things super awkward when the hooking up ends. Remember that you may not be getting with his brother anymore, but chances are you’re going to want to hang out from time to time at your best friend’s house. That puts your friend in a tough spot – along with making the overall time very awkward.

That aside, while I don’t think name-calling of any sort is justified, it would seem that you’re bouncing around quite a bit. I have NO problem with people dating around whilst trying to find out what they like and don’t like, but that also increases the chances of hurt feelings and jilted exes. While you may not think a friend-with-benefits can act like this, it would seem your guy had more feelings for you than he let on, and is feeling left behind.

Insofar as what you can do to make things better, I always think being upfront and honest is the best move. I would find some time to talk one-on-one with your long-time hookup, and find out why he is acting in such an immature manner. Chances are, he has hurt feelings, and you saying you didn’t want a relationship implies that maybe he did.

Clearly, there are a ton of mixed signals and misunderstandings going on, so your best move is to take some time alone with yourself and decide what you’re really looking for. A boyfriend? A few friends with benefits? Just random hookups? Figure out what you want, and then go set things straight with your best friend’s brother.

Best of luck!


Joel Freimark has done a lot in life and seen even more. From last minute international travel to bizarre places to writing award winning books, he’s here to bring his wisdom to all your problems. He hosts a weekly advice series on Youtube and a music series also on YouTube.. No question is too outrageous or personal, so go ahead and fire away! Follow him on Twitter.

Are you confused about a guy? Do you find yourself wondering, “What is he thinking?” Tell us everything in the comments! And if you have a question for Joel, email him at!

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