Humans are naturally curious, so it’s not unusual that this instinctual curiosity appears in the big wide world of sex. For a generation who has grown up with access to any of our sexual queries answered by typing a lil’ something into a browser, some might assume that we’ve been so desensitized to just about anything sexual.
Eh, I don’t know about that.
I think plenty of us are still clueless to the ins and outs (sorry) of various types of sex. For example, a friend of mine recently told me and a group of friends that she had anal sex. All of our years of sex ed and porn access didn’t stop us from staring at her with wide eyed curiosity and bombarding her with questions. Anal sex obviously isn’t some obscure sex act, but it’s one that is surrounded by naïveté and controversy. Butts, man. Always causing a stir.
Whether you admittedly know very little about anal sex or you want to test you knowledge, check out this post on everything you need to know about anal sex.
So, how should we define anal sex?
Anal sex generally refers to erect penises entering someone’s anal cavity for sexy time purposes. That said, it’s important to note that anal activity doesn’t have to include a penis. People also use sex toys, fingers, tongues, etc to engage in butt play. That’s why some folks prefer to use the term anal intercourse for penis specific anal play and anal sex to refer to the big…anal umbrella.
Is that even safe?
Frankly, butts are full of nerve endings and pleasure points. Speaking of anal pleasure, male-bodied people can experience stimulation of the prostate gland via anal sex, and some female-bodied people can experience indirect stimulation to their G-spot through anal. So if it’s done properly, yes, anal sex is safe and can be very enjoyable. But if not…woof. It can be a hellhole (pun intended).
Can you get pregnant from anal sex?
Generally, no, because there’s no direct route from your anal cavity to your uterus. But if any sperm leaks out or somehow end up around your vag, then there’s a chance that you can become pregnant.
Are there any dos and don’ts to anal sex?
Here are the basics:
- DO use lubrication. Yeah, that bit about anal sex being pleasurable if it’s “done properly”…this is a huge part of that doing it properly thing. Not only will lubrication make anal sex hurt a lot less, it’ll make the whole process a lot easier for both you and your partner. Use water based or silicone based lubes. Oil based lubricants can act as irritants, break down condoms, and harbor bacteria. Plus, studies point to a correlation between the propensity to obtain an STD and using oil based lube. Just because massage oil or Vaseline feels slippery doesn’t mean that it’s the best option downstairs. Also, chaffing is real, y’all. Water and silicone based lubes are just all around better options for you and your butt.
- DO NOT allow anything that was just in a butt hang around inside other body parts. For example, a penis or sex toy should never go from the butt to the vagina. This is just screaming for a nasty infection. Keep things as sanitary as possible, people
- DO prep beforehand. Something like a finger can be used to–sorry, there’s no cute way of saying this–get your butt ready for something larger (a penis, toy, etc).
- DO NOT assume that you don’t need a condom just because pregnancy isn’t a possibility with anal sex. STDs still exist, folks. Better safe than sorry.
- DO go slowly. Nothing should be ramming into your butt on the jump, especially if it’s your first time.
Is there a way that I can, er, clean up a little down there before anal?
As long as you take showers and know how to wipe your butt properly, you should be fine. If you want, you can just us a little soapy water around the exterior. There are also enemas or anal douches which you can totally go for, but that’s kind of doing the most if you’re just a little self-conscious. If you are worried about hair, get a Brazilian wax (it doesn’t hurt much). Don’t worry too much about it, though. Like I said, as long as you’re hygienic, you should be fine. A butt is a butt, y’all know what you’re getting into.
Okay but…poop tho.
Yes, poop! Poops comes out of your butt, but poop isn’t stored in the anal cavity for safe keeping. So it’s not like something going up your butt is going to encounter all the poop in your body, dude. That said, fecal matter can still chill out in your anal cavity. So, yes, if somebody puts a penis or a toy or whatever up your butt, there might be trace bit of poop on it. That just comes with the territory! It might squick you out, but it’s the truth.
Also, don’t worry about pooping during anal. I’m not saying it has never happened, but it doesn’t happen as much as you think it does. With that said, you might feel an overwhelming sensation to poop during anal activity, which brings me to the next question…
What does it feel like?
Okay, I asked that friend of mine that I mentioned earlier that same question. Her response made me laugh: Apparently, it just felt like she had to poop the whole time. Some additional research confirms that this seems to be the general consensus. But hey, like I said earlier, if you’re female bodied person then you might get some G-spot stimulation from anal activity because the membrane between the rectum and vaginal cavity is super thin. Additional stimulation of the clip, nipples, and wherever else turns you on can make that sensation of having to go number to become secondary.
If it hurts, which it very well might, throw more lube into the mix and go slower. Also, try to relax as much as possible so you’re not all clenched up back there.
I thought anal sex was just for gay dudes, though.
Anal sex is often associated with gay men, but that doesn’t mean that anal sex is an exclusively for gay men!
So, if I’m a cisgender girl and my cisgender boyfriend enjoys anal activity…that doesn’t mean he’s gay?
Uh, no, boo. Your BF being interested in giving anal or receiving anal pleasure has nothing to do with his sexual orientation. Your sexuality has nothing to do with what is or isn’t up your butt. This same ignorant thought process is also given to cis-gender lesbian women who engage in anal play or dildos…as if that makes them straight. Naw, y’all. It doesn’t work that way, so don’t get caught up in stereotypes.
Are you still a virgin if you have anal sex but haven’t experienced vaginal penetration?
Okay, so virginity is just such a vague concept that means something different to everyone. I’m not just saying that in a cutesy, flowery philosophical way. I’m being logical here. The loss of the virginity for one person might be oral for one, vaginal penetration for another. A lesbian chick usually doesn’t see penetration by penis the definition of virginity for herself, either. So yeah, there’s really no unquestioned definition of virginity, and it’s a problematic concept to begin with. But generally? Virginity is what someone sees as their ultimate sexual debut…yours might be anal, vaginal, whatever, but it’s up to you.
That said, other people might not agree with your definition of virginity. For example, some kids from conservative, religious backgrounds resort to anal sex as a way to get around the whole “no sex before marriage” thing, because they honestly don’t see that as “real sex.” Well, it’s a sex of some sort, for sure, but that virginity thing? Hey, that’s on them. I know, you might think that it’s ridiculous for someone to not consider anal sex a virginity buster, but hey, everyone is different!
My partner is pressuring me to have anal sex and I’m really not feeling it. What should I do?
Nobody should be pressuring you to do anything you don’t want to do, especially when it comes to sex. Don’t beat around the bush, tell your boyfriend, girlfriend, whatever that you are not interested. If that’s a deal breaker for them, you dodged a massive bullet.
Take care of your butt and stay safe!
Do you think there are any other common misconceptions about anal sex? Dos the idea of anal sex freak you out? Tell us in the comments!