Can You Force Yourself To Stop Liking Bad Boys?

Dear Heather,

Most people consider me a practical girl. I don’t break the rules, I don’t cause problems, and as far as everyone outside of my inner circle knows, I don’t even date. And for the most part, that’s true, but only because of how stupid I can be when it comes to guys. There will be this nice, sweet, good guy who really cares about me, and then there will be this guy who’s distant, moody, and dangerous… and when it comes down to it, 99 percent of the time I’ll pick the douchebag over the sweetheart. I don’t know why though. I just never like the good guy, but I REALLY want to like him. Trust me – I am trying to choose between two guys right now. I’ve tried so hard to be into the good one, but I can’t do it. My question is: is there any way I can force myself to like the good guy and to stop liking bad boys?

selena crying

Oh, girl. I totally know how you feel right now. I’ve been there, and it stinks. A few years ago, I was also trying to choose between two guys. One was your stereotypical “bad boy” who was stringing me along, refusing to make things official, and making me go from happy to miserable in a matter of minutes. The other was a “good” guy who was trying so hard to win me over, took me out on nice dates, and made it clear that he wanted something more serious.

What did I do? I picked the bad boy, even though everyone around me begged me not to. I chose evil over good, and it backfired. The dude ended up breaking my heart, while the good guy moved on and found another girlfriend. Do I regret this decision? Yeah, I kind of do – but at the same time, I don’t, because those experiences made me into the person I am today.

But ENOUGH about me. This is about you, and also, I swear that little story had a purpose. Here’s the thing: you can’t force yourself to like anyone, whether he’s the literal perfect guy or not. If you don’t have romantic feelings for someone, you can’t pull them out of thin air. When it comes to attraction and romance, as Selena Gomez says, “the heart wants what it wants.” You don’t have that much control over it.

Annoying? Yes. Frustrating? Definitely. But this doesn’t mean you’re destined for a life of misery when it comes to dating. It sounds like you’re attracted to the bad guy because he embodies the things that you don’t have. It seems like everyone in your life knows you as this “good girl” who follows all the rules. It makes sense that you’re attracted to the opposite of that, because that’s just human nature. The trick is finding a guy like this who is also someone who treats you well – and that’s hard, but not impossible.

The other reason you may be more attracted to the bad guy is because he is giving you a little bit of a chase. Almost every person out there wants what they can’t have over what they can have. This nice guy is offering himself up to you, and deep down, you know you could snap your fingers and make him yours. But the bad boy is making you chase him. Although that chase is frustrating and can make you sad, it’s also exciting in a weird way.

You need to find the right balance between good and evil: someone who treats you well, but is also a little bit on the wild side. In this situation, you can give the good guy a chance, but if no attraction develops after hanging out a few times, do the right thing and tell him it’s not working. Don’t string him along as a second option. If your heart is with the other dude, give that a shot too, because honestly, you won’t stop thinking about him if you don’t.

This may not be the moment you pick the right guy, but one day you will. In the meantime, never date a guy if you have to force yourself to like him – that will never work out in the end. Remember my story? You can learn from every romantic endeavor, good for bad – and sometimes that’s really important.

take care,

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Posted in: Help Me Heather, Love Advice
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