Ask A Guy: What Should You Do If Your Boyfriend Hasn’t Said “I Love You” After A Year?

Photo Source: iStock

Photo Source: iStock

Hey Joel,

I have a question. 
I have been dating my boyfriend for little over a year now, and he has never told me he loves me. I am very much in love with him. Do I tell him that? I’m so confused.

Three simple words that can make or break a relationship. So many people drop them way too early on, so at least feel good knowing that your feelings are founded on a solid relationship and that you’ve really gotten to know one another over the year plus you’ve been together.

As far as I’m concerned, the question of who should say those three words first has changed over the past few decades, and it’s no longer “only” the guy’s job to cement those feelings. That idea is very much a relic of the ’50s and ’60s, and I come from the school of thought that says if you feel that way about him, there is absolutely no reason not to tell him. Sure, it’s a bit nerve-wracking to be the one who says it first, but if you feel it, say it – it’s that simple.

That being said, I do find it a bit concerning that in a year together, you haven’t gotten to the point where those words come naturally. While I NEVER want people to jump to saying it early on in a relationship, the fact that it’s been over a year and it’s not a regular part of your life – that doesn’t bode well for the long-term.

I am not at all saying you should end things, but you need to have a serious discussion as to why that level of intimacy hasn’t come naturally yet. Maybe some couple’s counseling can aid in figuring things out quicker, because at the end of the day, saying “I love you” is absolutely something that should happen in the first year of a relationship.

If you’re concerned about whether he even feels that way about you, or if he’ll respond when you say it, think about if he shows you those feelings. Actions certainly speak louder than words, so consider how he acts towards you overall. It’s those small things that speak volumes about how he feels for you, and if he’s hitting it out of the park in terms of affection, chances are you just need to be the brave one and say it.

Whether it’s your boyfriend or your best friend, life is too short to let feelings remain unspoken, so take a deep breath, speak from your heart, and let the chips fall as they will.

Best of luck!


Joel Freimark has done a lot in life and seen even more. From last minute international travel to bizarre places to writing award winning books, he’s here to bring his wisdom to all your problems. He hosts a weekly advice series on Youtube and a music series also on YouTube.. No question is too outrageous or personal, so go ahead and fire away! Follow him on Twitter.

Are you confused about a guy? Do you find yourself wondering, “What is he thinking?” Tell us everything in the comments! And if you have a question for Joel, email him at!

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