One of the hardest truths to accept as you get older is that not all friendships last forever. In fact, most of them don’t. If you’re lucky, you’ll have one, two, or maybe a handful of close friends that stick by your side until the very end. But for the most part, you’ll unfortunately find that a lot of friendships start strong, then fizzle out slowly, whether it’s because of a fight or other circumstances you don’t really have any control over. Sometimes, it’s your friend slowly pushing you away, other times you’re the one doing it, and sometimes it’s a mutual thing that just happens.
I’ve experienced all of those situations. I’ve been the friend who pushes another friend away because I don’t want them in my life anymore (that’s happening right now, actually). I’ve been the friend who’s being pushed away while I’m like, “what did I do wrong?” And I’ve lost contact with a lot of friends simply because we’re both super busy and just don’t have time anymore.
Whatever’s going on, it kind of sucks. But it REALLY sucks when you aren’t ready for your friendship to be over and your friend clearly is. How do you know if that’s the case? Here are 12 signs your friend doesn’t want to be friends anymore, from someone who knows:
You're The Only One Making An Effort To CommunicateThe biggest sign that things are going downhill is this one: if you're the only one trying to keep your friendship together. Unless something big happens and you guys get in a fight, most people won't end a friendship by just saying, "I don't want to be friends anymore" out of nowhere. Instead, they'll basically ghost you by slowly pushing you out of their lives. Part of that process is them no longer making an effort to talk to you or see you. If you notice you're the only one texting them, you're the only one trying to make plans, and you're the only one keeping a conversation going, take that as a bad sign. Stop reaching out for a bit to see what she does. If there's no word from her, you can have a pretty good idea of what's going on. Stock photo © PeopleImages
She Always Bails On You When You Manage To Make PlansA lot of the time when someone doesn't want to be friends anymore, they'll either make up lame excuses as to why they can't do things with you, or they'll finally make plans and then cancel at the last minute because of something that sounds suspiciously untrue. Yeah, people get busy, but true friends manage to make time for each other at least once in a while - and if they have to bail, they try to make it up to you. Stock photo © nicoletaionescu
She Always Tells You You're Busy, But Has Time For OthersAnother big sign that she's done being friends? If she always bails on you, but you notice that it doesn't seem like she's bailing on anyone else. Are all of her Instagram and Facebook pictures with other people, but she never has time for you? Yeah, that's a bad sign. Stock photo © BraunS
Things Feel Awkward When You're TogetherRemember when you guys were close, and things were busy between you two? You could sit in silence, you could laugh about silly things, and you could talk about whatever. Think about how things are now. When you get together, does it feel like no time has passed? Or does it feel painfully awkward and uncomfortable? Things with a true friend should never feel that way. Stock photo © HABY
She Keeps Conversations ShortMaybe you reach out to her and she'll talk to you for a bit, so you'll think things are okay - but pay attention to the way she's talking. Does she ask you questions? Does she give you very short answers? Does she hardly say anything at all? Are you the only one trying to make the conversation last? That's not how convos between friends go. Stock photo © Attila Barabas
She Never Asks You How You AreOne of the best pieces of advice I ever heard was to not waste my time on people who don't ask how I am. It's so true. A person who cares about you and being in your life will make it a point to ask you how you are or what's been going on. If your friend never asks this, it's because she doesn't care. Stock photo © Catherine Lane
Sometimes She Ignores Your Texts CompletelyLet's face it: it's 2015. If a friend is regularly ignoring your texts, she's not a friend. We all look at our phones all the time. If she can't remember to text you back, it's because she doesn't want to - or she's sending a message. Stock photo © g-stockstudio
You Don't Know Anything About Her LifeThink about it: what was the last thing she told you about her life? Was it something she would tell her grandma she rarely speaks to? Or was it something she would tell a close friend? Friends tell each other what's going on in their lives, and if you don't know anything about hers, there's a reason. Stock photo © Izabela Habur
It Seems Like She's Sub-Tweeting About YouSub-tweeting is lame, but that doesn't mean people don't do it. If she makes a tweet or status that seems like it's directed towards you and she's doing some of the other things on this list, it's very possible that, yeah... it's directed towards you. Stock photo © PeopleImages
Other People Have Noticed Something Is UpOne of my friends and I recently stopped talking after being close for years. It was a long, slow process, and for a while I wasn't sure what was happening. Then another friend said, "Hey, are you and so-and-so still friends?" I was like "Huh, I don't know. Why?" and they were like, "I just thought something was up." If other people are noticing things, that means something is obviously wrong. Stock photo © YinYang
In Group Settings She Ignores YouA group dynamic can be a little tough sometimes, but a true friend still makes time to seek you out and talk to you. If your friend completely ignores you in a group, she's trying to send a message. Stock photo © nicolesy
Your Relationship Is Just Different NowIn the end, it comes down to a feeling you probably have: that things just aren't the same. Maybe you don't see each other as often, maybe you don't feel like you can talk to her about stuff, maybe you just sense her pushing you away. Whatever it is, listen to your gut - it's probably right. Stock photo © digitalskillet
Which of these things do you identify with? Is this happening to you right now? What did I forget to include? Tell me in the comments.