If there is one thing that almost every girl has unanimously had to deal with, it’s probably a super-creepy guy. Seriously, if you search “creep” or “creepy” into our comments search bar, so many different questions and opinions dealing with the matter come up. It’s pretty unsettling.
This is why, this week, I wanted to focus on what to do if you have supremely creepy guy in your life and you don’t know what to do about it. I was able to round up a bus stalker, a quintessential “nice guy” dilemma, and even a guy who’s scared that he’s being creepy himself. Check out my advice on what to do with a creep:
Think The Girl On The Train Is Creepy? Try The Guy On The Bus
When I was in 5th grade, there was this guy who looked at me strangely every day when I went to my bus. One day he got on my bus with his friend and told me, “I want to marry you and have kids.” I freaked out so much, most of all because he found out where I live! I am in middle school now, but he still knows where I live. My parents don’t know (I’m gonna tell them today though) and he still is a creepy guy!!! Help me, what do I do??- Jenny
Um, yes. This guy is very creepy. You should definitely talk to your parents ASAP about this, and then you can figure out what to do about it together. Personally, I also think you should definitely tell some sort of authority at your school. They might be able to make it so that he is permanently banned from your bus. Also, you never clarified if this guy goes to your school and is around your age, or if he is some random person who is much older and is randomly prowling on a middle schooler. If it’s the former, you can definitely get the school involved, and if it’s the latter, you can go beyond that and talk to the police. Either way, this is definitely not okay, and hopefully, the figures of authority that you have around will be willing and able to stop it. Good luck!
“Polite And Respectful” Guy Friend? Not So Much, Actually
The other day I was at a party and I was drunk and when I was going to bed, I was in bed with my guy friend who is usually so polite and respectful. He had only had 3 drinks but when he thought I was asleep, he started touching my boobs. I rolled over to make him stop and fell asleep. When I woke up he was groping me under my bra. I told him to stop and he left me alone. I didn’t say anything to anyone but my mum because I don’t want to embarrass him in front of all our friends. Does it count if I only said no once, even though I didn’t say yes?- Sarah
Yes, your “no” definitely counts. No always means no, and if your guy friend doesn’t understand that, he definitely is not as “polite and respectful” as he has led you to believe. It sounds like he has a classic case of “Nice Guy” syndrome, in that he is easy to get along with for the most part, but when you become vulnerable, he swoops in to take advantage.
It’s good that you told your mom. What did she say to do in terms of next steps? You definitely don’t have to say anything else to anyone if you don’t want to, and you can move on from this situation. If the only thing holding you back is the potential of embarrassing him in front of all of your friends, though, I would definitely say something. He didn’t respect you when you told him to stop, so you shouldn’t feel the need to respect his position in your friend group.
But most importantly, you need to remember that this definitely was not your fault. You said no. Even if you hadn’t said no, you never said yes, either. An absence of response does not mean consent. That always counts.
An Escalating Series Of Unfortunate Creepiness
I have a a guy friend who sometimes makes sexual jokes, despite him knowing I don’t like that sort of thing. I realize that’s just his nature and the way he was brought up, and the jokes aren’t always necessarily about me. I don’t want to be overly prude or impose on his free-speech, but could that fall under the definition of sexual harassment, or am I just being over-sensitive? Also, on the odd occasion when one of his jokes are about me, could that count? And just one more, would a guy saying he’s going to kill himself if you can’t do something sexual for him qualify as sexual harassment?- MsElizabeth
You are not being over-sensitive here. Even if this behavior is rooted in “jokes” (and escalates into something much more concerning), it’s still extremely creepy sexual behavior that you don’t like. The UN defines sexual harassment as “[u]nwelcome sexual advances, requests for sexual favors, and other verbal or physical conduct of a sexual nature.” The key word here is “unwelcome.” If you don’t want it, and he continues to do it (especially if you are the subject of the jokes) that is definitely sexual harassment. You don’t need to make excuses for his “nature and the way he was brought up,” either. He is a creep! Definitely tell him once and for all to cut it out, and if he doesn’t listen, you might want to reconsider your friendship with him.
And, yep, if he is saying that he is going to kill himself if you don’t hook up with him, that is also sexual harassment (I’m assuming that this is the same person, but if not, this still applies). It’s not your job to do that. You can definitely talk to school officials about this if you are still in school, a work supervisor if you know him from work, or even direct him to the National Suicide Prevention Hotline. Good luck!
My Stalker, The Ewok Lover
There’s this guy who is in a few of my classes. He’s super creepy and won’t take a hint. He always tries to be near me and get me to take off my shoes (what the??). He once brought some stuffed Star Wars character to school and made it kiss me, like he came up behind me and made a kissing noise and made it kiss my cheek. I’ve made it clear that I’m not interested in LOTS of ways. I told him I wasn’t interested, I don’t act like I am (I ignore him). Last year we were watching a movie in class and I was wearing flip flops and took them off and put them under my desk. When I did this, he came and sat RIGHT NEXT TO MY DESK and picked up my shoes and started messing with them. It scared me to the point that I hid in the bathroom. I also have a boyfriend who goes to our school! He’s met my boyfriend and he knows we’re dating but he doesn’t care or something because he’s still being a super creep!! My boyfriend told him to back off but he got my number and sent me a text with a heart emoji this morning and I just need help!! Any advice???– Kay
Ugh, I just hate it when guys make me take off my shoes, follow me around with stuffed ewoks and pretend that they are kissing me! Actually, though. This sounds terrible. In all seriousness, everything that this guy has done is definitely not okay. I’m impressed that you’ve made it this long without totally snapping, as I am sure that I would have done at some point. I would definitely reach out to a teacher or administrator at your school that you trust. Hopefully, they have noticed this bizarre behavior too, so they can offer some tangible solutions for you. They might be able to get him transferred out of your classes and let him know that his behavior is not okay (though he should know that already, but whatever). At the very least, you can make sure that other people are aware of this beyond annoying situation and get some support beyond your boyfriend. Good luck!
I’m a guy, and this girl walked in on me going to the bathroom at work. All she did was stand there until I reached out and closed the door. So I texted my buddy because I figured I’d make him jealous. I texted him and said, “Yo this girl just walked in on me going to the bathroom and just looked until I physically reached out to close the door. Do u think she wants it.” He replied, “Maybe it was a mistake.” I told him it wasn’t a mistake because she knew I was in there. I think she wanted to see. He ended up texting her and telling her that I thought she did it intentionally. It was meant to be a harmless message, but I’m in fear of losing my job because we got in an argument and he is threatening me about being it to the supervisor. I’m not a person who is creepy like that, but I will deal with the ramifications of whatever actions are taken because I feel like s***. I have apologized to her more then once. Plz help.- Dustin
Oh, boy. What a work environment! First of all: You’re telling me that you “aren’t a person who is creepy like that,” but that text you sent was, in fact, very creepy. It’s important to acknowledge that that wasn’t exactly the right course of action to take– saying that a girl “wants it” just because she walked in on you peeing (which could have been an accident) is not really okay.
At the same time, however, that was a very strange thing to have happen to you. If it happened the way you told me, you are not entirely at fault here. I would definitely talk to your supervisor before your “buddy” does. This is both to acknowledge the fact that you sent an inappropriate text about a fellow employee, but also to let your supervisor know that your female coworker is potentially engaging in some not-so-workplace-kosher behavior. Like I said, that could have been an accident, but if someone walked in on me in the bathroom and didn’t leave until I physically closed the door, I would not be happy. I also wouldn’t send a text saying it means they “want it,” but, hey. Live and learn.
Have you ever dealt with a super-creep? What did you do? Let us know in the comments below!