5 Comment Questions: Sister Drama

Having a sister is the best! Until, well, it…isn’t. My younger sister and I get along well now, but when we still lived in the same house, our relationship tended to volley between “willing to tolerate one another” and “life-long nemeses” every five seconds. This was probably my fault, because every morning I would sneak into her room before school started to borrow some of her face lotion or perfume, since I was always running out. She wasn’t mad that I was stealing her stuff, per say, but she was mad, understandably, that I woke her up by clambering about her room in the dark (I didn’t turn on the lights because I didn’t want to wake her up because I knew she would get mad at me. It was a vicious cycle.)

Anyway, the point is that sisters are great, but when there is drama, it can be brutal. You guys definitely know this: from affection issus to borrowing clothes, below are five of your most pressing questions about sister drama:

parenttrap

I Don’t Like Affection, But For My Mom And Sister It’s A Non-Negotiable

Help…. my mom and sister think I don’t love them because I don’t show affection like they do with hugging and saying ” I love you” constantly. It actually gives me anxiety because I like to avoid contact…I told them I love them but they don’t believe me because I don’t willingly hug and kiss their cheeks. What should I do?- Kayla G

Hi, Kayla:

I’m sorry that this is happening! I think that what you should do is sit them down and tell them very clearly that it’s not that you don’t love them, it’s just that something about physical contact- any physical contact, not just theirs- makes you feel icky. For some help with discussing this, maybe see if you can get an appointment with a therapist or even just the school counselor to see if they can give you some pointers on how to go about saying this.  This could maybe help get to the root of your anxiety that is a result of touching, as well as giving your mom and sister a concrete reason as to why you don’t like to be touched. In the mean time, see if you can find other ways to demonstrate affection, such as leaving notes or presents for them, or just having sincere conversations with them from time to time.  Good luck!

kardashian

 

Eskimo Sisters And…Actual Sisters

Recently I found out that my sister is hanging out with a guy with whom I had sexual relations a couple years ago (friends with benefits), and that she had lied about it before. She came out one night and said to me that she was hanging out with “Tom” (fake name). I tried explaining to her that ex boyfriends/friends with benefits are off limits to friends and family unless it is over with them. I asked why she didn’t say anything about it in the first place and she said because she knew I would get mad. Well, if you knew what my reaction was going to be then why the F*** do it in the first place? So my question is, am I in the wrong for being as pissed off/furious with her? I could never do that to a friend or family member!!!- Anonymous

Hi, Anonymous:

First of all, I totally get why you’re feeling upset right now. Two people you are close with on some level did something behind your back and, obviously, that feels like a betrayal. While I don’t think your anger with your sister is unfounded (what is my mantra? Be upfront. Be upfront. Be upfront), right now I’m wondering why your anger isn’t being directed towards this “Tom” character. It seems like your sister had some reservations about the whole issue, but I assume Tom was also lying to you. What gives? Find out.

It could also be possible that both Tom and your sister didn’t realize that you have such a strong emotional connection to him. Try to let both of them know- maybe then your sister will understand why you think that this is such a betrayal, and you can get some answers and a sense of closure from Tom. So, you’re definitely not in the wrong, but I think a lot of the anger you’re feeling towards your sister might be abated if you talk about this with Tom, too. Have a conversation with Tom, and definitely talk it out with your sister. Good luck!

virginsuicides

 

My Sister Doesn’t Even Live With Me And She Still Steals My Clothes

My older sister takes all my clothes (new and favorite ones) and brings it to her boyfriend’s house, who she lives with (to avoid the chores at home). I’m not even sure if that’s selfish or irresponsible, or both. She always had her way since we were kids, as my mom favored her more. Now that my mom passed away, I’m forced to live with my dad and stepmom.  I have stopped talking to her because it’s pointless, and it makes things worse. She will mess up my wardrobe intentionally and not return my clothes for months. I am so freaking mad at her, but there is nothing I can do except wait for the day that I can live on my own- Bridget

Hi, Bridget:

I know that I’ve openly admitted to being guilty of taking my sister’s things, but this seems like a bigger issue between you and your sister that is being manifested in your clothing. It appears to me that you have a ton of (understandable) resentment towards your sister stemming from a lot of different issues- your clothing, her desertion of the house/ chores and the fact that you feel she was favored by your mother when she was alive. All of these are not very fun things to deal with. See if you can resolve the issue of clothing by resolving some other issues, too- I know you said you’ve tried talking with her, but have you tried a different tack? If you tell her that you miss having her around (which might not exactly be true, but it’s a good way to start the conversation), and it’s not great that the only way you know she’s been in the house is by looking in your closet and seeing that your favorite new shirt is missing. Explain to her why this makes you upset and maybe she’ll get it. If not, have you tried a lock? A padlock on your closet could work wonders. Best of luck!

fanningsisters

Toxic Sisters, Silent Boyfriend

I’m dealing with a large group of sisters in my boyfriend’s family.  I suffer from rude comments, and last Christmas one “accidentally” spit pop all in my hair! I tried a second time to go around them, then I was told I was “being disrespectful and why am I even there?”  I want this to work and to be married one day. My question is, is it wrong if I choose to not to participate in his family gathering? Or when they come by I stay to myself or in the room. I have given them chances and chances, I just don’t wanna be around them. Some advice please?!- Ladee

Hi, Ladee:

Those sisters don’t sound real. Like, they sound like soda pop-spouting fiction. Why would you drink soda (or pop) just to spit it out? How much did she spit? Was your hair sticky afterwards?

Sorry. I’m fixating on the wrong things. Um, obviously this is not cool. My question is, where is your boyfriend in all of this? Obviously, you are a strong independent girl who can fend for herself, and you shouldn’t depend on him entirely to protect you. But was he silent while the Great Soda Spitting Incident was happening? What did he say when his sisters asked you why you were “even there?” What I’m saying is, if you feel like you need to hide in your room every time his family comes over and he doesn’t feel the need to tell his family to stop hazing you, there might be something wrong there. Talk it out with him, and see if he can get his sisters to back off. Good luck!

thefighter

 

I Love My Sister But She Doesn’t Respect Me (Or My Things)

My little sister is 19 and I’m 22, we have both lived together our whole lives and even have had an apt together. Though I love her more than words can describe, she is the most careless person ever and is CONSTANTLY stealing everything of mine. She doesn’t just stop at clothes, either, for as long as I can remember she has always grandfathered her way in with my friends, too. It bothers me so much that I work so hard to make these friendships and she just automatically gets to have them as friends too. I’ve tried not talking to her for months, didn’t work, I’ve tried crying to her about how much it bothers me that she just doesn’t respect me or what is MINE. The bottom line is she means the world to me and it tears me apart that she doesn’t appreciate me.What should I do? It seems like anyone I talk to immediately doesn’t seem to get why it bothers me so much. –Heather 

Hi, Heather:

I really like your use of the word “grandfathered” here- it’s really funny, and really appropriate in this family-drama situation. I totally get it- it’s great that you and your sister are so close, but she seems like a lot handle. It also seems like she doesn’t totally get why what she does is an issue. Try to explain to her (clearly, without crying, if you can) why what she does bothers you so much. She might need an example. What if you took one of her shirts, held up a cup of coffee or juice to it, and said, “what would you do if I spilled this all over your shirt and didn’t apologize?” Sure, it’s dramatic, and, sure, she’ll probably be upset, but she’ll finally get it. Sometimes, I find that kinesthetic learning works wonders. Good luck!

mkao

 

Have you had any sister drama like this? What would you do in these situations? Let us know below!

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