So there is this guy who I’m really good friends with. We get along so well and always have fun when we’re around each other! I feel sometimes that there is a connection or spark between us but I’m not sure? He has a girlfriend, who I’m good friends with, but he made up this thing where we call each other bae? He gets quite affectionate and sits on my lap, hugs me from behind, etc. when she’s not around. sometimes he will text me to see if I want to go for coffee just the two of us, and he rarely brings up his girlfriend. His two siblings don’t really like her either, and I’ve heard them bag her out a bit? But I’m really close with them as they are all triplets! I’m really confused if he likes me or not? And if he does then why is he still with her?
It’s quite a tight corner you’ve managed to fall into, and sadly, there aren’t many conclusions I can see that have a happy ending for you. The reality is, you’re dealing with a broken relationship, and you’re the escape for him and the temporary relief from the excessive negativity he has going on elsewhere. To be blunt, you are a slightly toned down version of “the other woman,” and if his current girlfriend finds out he’s been a bit too touchy-feely with you, things are going to get ugly fast.
If his current girlfriend is really your friend, there’s really only one “right” thing for you to do: tell her. Yes, this will likely cost you a friendship with him, but sometimes you have to consider the larger situation. Put yourself in her position. Wouldn’t you want your friend to tell you if your boyfriend was all over someone else? Reverse the situation entirely, and the course of action is clear.
If she’s NOT really your friend, then you need to tell him that he needs to either stop acting this way with you, or break things off cleanly with his girlfriend. He is being rude to both of you by not really showing either of you respect. If he doesn’t want to be with her, he should have the guts to end it; and once he has fully recovered from that, he MIGHT be in a place to have a relationship with you.
BUT (and this is a REALLY big but)
In terms of whether or not he likes you or not, it’s almost irrelevant due to his obvious personality flaws. In the sea of red flags that this guy is showing, the most concerning is the fact that he is clearly not at all trustworthy. He’s being dishonest with his current on many levels, and you need to ask yourself if you really want to be in a relationship with a guy who flirts and then some EVEN when he is with someone. (HINT: the answer is NO)
My suggestion is to make it clear you’re just friends as quickly as possible, and stop any “extra curricular” goings on between you two. It can’t end well for anyone, and the quicker you do that, the sooner you can find yourself a guy worthy of you!
Best of luck!
Joel Freimark has done a lot in life and seen even more. From last minute international travel to bizarre places to writing award winning books, he’s here to bring his wisdom to all your problems. He hosts a weekly advice series on Youtube and a music series also on YouTube.. No question is too outrageous or personal, so go ahead and fire away! Follow him on Twitter.
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