15 Embarrassing Questions About Losing Your Virginity, Answered

Losing your virginity is one of the those things that is terrifying and intimidating until you do it. Thinking about losing your virginity can put a tremendous amount of pressure on you, and it’s easy to over-think the situation and totally freak yourself out.

Before you have sex for the first time, there are so many questions to be answered. Is it going to hurt? Are you going to bleed? How much are you going to bleed? What if it doesn’t feel good? How do you tell your partner you’re ready to go all the way? Do you have to do foreplay? Uh, what even counts as foreplay? It leaves you feeling like you just want to scream, “HALLPPP” to anyone who will listen.

Take a deep breath, calm down, and start reading. We’re answering 15 of your most common questions about losing your virginity – no need to be embarrassed.

How Do You Know If You're Ready?

It's hard for me to answer this question, because only you can know when you're ready to have sex. It's hard to put into words, because it's really just a feeling, and you kind of have to go with your gut on this one.

I can tell you some hints that you may not be ready: you are totally clueless about birth control, you feel really scared whenever you think about it, you try to do it and can't seem to go through with it, and you're kind of dreading it and only want to do it because you feel like you should.

Know this: there might not be some cathartic moment when you realize you're ready to have sex for the first time. You might just end up doing it and still feeling unsure that that moment is the right time. That's okay! Society makes your first time seem like the biggest deal in the world, but for some people it's not like that, and that's fine.

How Do You Tell Your Partner You're Ready?

Okay, so you've decided that you're ready to have sex... now you just have to let your partner know. I get how this can be uncomfortable, especially if you guys haven't really discussed it before. But there's no reason why you can't make it clear that you're ready to go all the way. Here's what you can do:

One: Just say it! Text it to your partner, say it on the phone, or say it next time you're together. You can say, "I've been thinking about it, and I feel like I'm ready to go all the way. Do you feel the same way?" Just approach it gently. Your partner will probably be pretty excited, so don't be nervous!

Two: Make a move in the moment. The next time you guys are hooking up and getting really into things, whisper something like, "Do you have a condom?" That makes your intentions pretty clear. It's usually easier to bring this up in the heat of the moment because you're both really feeling it.

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What If It Doesn't Fit?

A lot of girls have an experience where they're ready to do it, but... uh... his penis won't fit in their vagina. Awkward. The good news is that you can get it to fit. You just need to relax, calm down, and take things slow.

Your vagina will stretch, and it will be able to accommodate his penis, even if it's big. It's just a matter of getting it there. If you're really freaked out, nervous, or stressed, you might tighten up down there, making things more difficult. This is why it's really important to stay as calm as possible. Take things very slowly. Make sure you try a lot of foreplay to get yourself turned on. Use lube if needed, as that will make things easier. And know that if it's not working once, that doesn't mean it will never work - just try again!

If It Doesn't Feel Good Is There Something Wrong With You?

No, definitely not. While men rave about their first time, it's not uncommon for a lot of women to feel disappointed by theirs. That's because most women need a different kind of stimulation to have an orgasm and feel good. Most women can't have a vaginal orgasm - they have to have a clitoral orgasm, where the clitoris is stimulated. It's difficult for that to happen when you're having penetrative sex.

If it doesn't feel good, don't worry. Sometimes it just takes some practice to figure out what you like and what you want. Our vaginas are complicated! They take some work to really feel good. You can try different positions, or just try a lot of foreplay. Some women have an orgasm during oral sex, then they have penetrative sex and find that it feels better that way. Just experiment until you find what you like.

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How Do You Tell Your Partner You're A Virgin?

Honestly, being a virgin is not as big of a deal as you probably think it is. Everyone was a virgin at one point! If your partner doesn't know your sexual history and you feel that you want to be honest with him/her, just say, "I'm a virgin" or "I haven't done this before." That's okay! If they get freaked out, that's their problem and there's nothing you can do about it... and if they won't have sex with you, then you're honestly better off. Your best bet is to just be honest and straightforward.

Does It Hurt? How Bad?

Your first time might hurt a little bit, and it might not. It really depends. Since you're not used to the sensation of something going in down there, it might be a little uncomfortable and you may experience some pressure and a little bit of pain. Sex shouldn't hurt so much that it makes you cry, but it's normal to feel a little awkward and sore.

Here's what you can do to minimize the pain: take things slowly. Use lube to make everything easier. Engage in foreplay to get yourself really turned on. Don't go for a crazy position your first time - stick with something classic, like missionary. And try to relax!

What Counts As Losing Your Virginity?

There is no set definition of what virginity is, because everyone thinks of it as something different. For some people, you lose your virginity when you do any sexual act, like oral sex or simply fingering. For others, losing your virginity means vagina penetration. It really depends, and your definition of virginity should be up to you!

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What Is Foreplay? Do You Have To Do It?

I've mentioned foreplay quite a few times in here, and you might be like, "Uh, what even IS foreplay?" Foreplay is basically the stuff you do before you start having sex to get both of you in the mood. Foreplay can include so many different things: fingering and handjobs, oral sex, making out, touching each other with no clothes on, etc. It is whatever gets you turned on and ready to go.

Foreplay is pretty important because it really gets both of you going, and then it's easier to have sex. Foreplay helps women get wet down there, making things feel better and making penetrative sex easier. Some dudes say that foreplay makes them last longer. It's also just an exciting buildup, and can make your orgasm more intense. You don't HAVE to do foreplay, but I definitely recommend it.

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What If You Feel Guilty About Losing Your Virginity?

It's not uncommon to feel like you want to lose your virginity and have sex, but to also feel guilty about that. Society and religion can do this to people, and it's a really confusing time. Ultimately, though, you have to do what's right for you. Your religion may say that sex before marriage is wrong, but that doesn't mean you have to follow that or believe that if you don't feel the same way. Your parents might believe that sex before marriage is wrong, but you don't have to agree with them.

The bottom line is that you are in control of your body. You are the only one who should be making decisions about when you should have sex. Don't let society, religion, or others make you feel like you're doing something wrong. Sex is natural. If you want to do it and you're ready, do it. If you're not, don't. Totally up to you!

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Will You Bleed? How Much?

You might bleed during your first time, but it's probably not as bad as you're imagining. Women often bleed during their first time because that's when they're hymen gets broken. When your hymen gets broken, you might bleed a little bit. It's not a lot of a blood, and it's not something to freak out over. It's totally normal. If you notice a lot of blood and you feel a lot of pain, that may be cause for concern.

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If You Don't Bleed, Is That Bad?

On the other hand, there are some women who don't bleed during the first time having sex. Their hymen may have been broken already - this can happen during sports or another kind of injury. That's totally normal too! Don't feel like something is wrong if you don't bleed. First of all, it might have been such a small amount you didn't even notice it. Second, you don't have to bleed!

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Does Masturbating Have An Effect On Your Virginity?

I don't think masturbation will affect losing your virginity very much. The only thing it might do is make things better for you. When you masturbate, you're exploring your sexuality and figuring out what feels good for you. So, when you're having sex with someone else, you already know what you like and what you don't like, and you can use that to your advantage. Otherwise, it's not really going to change anything in a negative way.

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Will You Cry?

I'm sure you've heard the stereotype that girls cry during their first time. I'm not sure how that came about, but it can be a little nervewracking. The good news is this: losing your virginity doesn't automatically make you cry. For some young women, the experience can be an emotional one, and with all of the hormones and emotions and different feelings running through their body, they might feel overwhelmed and cry a little bit. Totally, totally normal, and nothing to be ashamed about.

However, some women don't feel that, and they don't cry. They don't even feel like they want to cry. Again, totally, totally normal. This is really not something to stress over.

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What Should You Do About Hair Down There?

Do whatever you want! You can shave it off, wax it off, trim it, or keep it completely natural. It is totally up to you. Some girls feel more comfortable without hair down there, while others don't care about it and leave it as is. Either way, it's not going to change your experience.

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What If You Regret Losing It?

This is a pretty crappy feeling that a lot of women can relate to. Sometimes we have sex before we're ready, sometimes we do it with someone who ends up being a jerk, and sometimes we just change our mind after the fact. It's not fun to feel like you regret your decisions, especially when you feel like you can't change anything.

The truth is, you can't go back in time and change what happened. But you can move past it, and decide to have a new beginning. You can make your next time better. Your first time doesn't have to define you. If you hated it, don't do it again until you really feel ready! Just don't beat yourself up. We all make mistakes, and that doesn't mean we're bad people.

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Which of these questions did you find the most helpful? What questions did I forget to include? Tell me in the comments.

You can follow the author, Jessica Booth, on Twitter or Instagram.


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