Ask A Guy: Is It Okay To Text A Guy First Or Keep Texting If He Doesn’t Respond?

Hey Joel,

I have a dilemma I hope you can help me out with. I met this guy in Melbourne while on a holiday. We had a great conversation before he had to get on his plane, I am now friends with him on Facebook. I messaged him on, but he didn’t reply until the next day. We then had another good conversation until he said that he had to go to bed. He finished off by saying “talk to you soon”. And now he hasn’t messaged me again, and it has been a few days. Should I message again? Or should I wait a bit more? Or should I wait for him to message me? Help me please!

Let be begin by saying that there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with being the more aggressive person in a relationship, and you making the first moves is totally fine. If you find someone you’re into, there’s no reason at all that you shouldn’t go for it full on. If a guy gets intimidated by you making the first move, he’s not worth your time.

However, it sounds like you’re jumping in WAY too far, WAY too soon! Clearly there is some physical distance between the two of you, so from the start that goes by a completely different set of rules. The first of those rules is that people have lives of their own, and since you’re not there physically to occupy it, he’ll be out with friends and things like that.

The fact that you’re concerned because you haven’t heard from him in 24 hours is a little much, especially since you two aren’t even an item. You need to give things time to build naturally, and if you’re waiting on his every word, it could lead to a dependent relationship – which should be avoided at all costs.

From a guys’ perspective, if he knew you were already frustrated by his lack of responding to you right away, chances are it would scare him off because it comes off as clingy and controlling. Add to that the fact that you barely know one another, and that screams desperation.

Think if how you’d feel if a guy you’d met once and talked to a few times sent you a long message where he was upset because you hadn’t responded to him in 24 hours. It probably wouldn’t make you want to talk to him again, right?

People have busy lives, and since you two are just getting to know one another, I’d back off and let him respond when he is able. If he is taking huge amounts of time as the weeks go by, then he just may not be as interested as you are, and you can move on. If you’re always available to him, that can be a turn off, so go hang with your friends and let things develop naturally.

Best of luck!

Joel Freimark has done a lot in life and seen even more. From last minute international travel to bizarre places to writing award winning books, he’s here to bring his wisdom to all your problems. He hosts a weekly advice series on Youtube and a music series also on YouTube.. No question is too outrageous or personal, so go ahead and fire away! Follow him on Twitter.

Are you confused about a guy? Do you find yourself wondering, “What is he thinking?” Tell us everything in the comments! And if you have a question for Joel, email him at!

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