So I am dating this guy, and I really like him. We both have a friend, who is also a guy, who just told me he likes me. I don’t like him like that and tried to tell him. I still want to be his friend, but any time I try to talk to him, he winds up calling me hot or something along those lines. I try to change the subject. And anytime I mention my boyfriend, AKA his ‘friend,’ he gets mad at me. What do I do? Should I tell my boyfriend?
It sounds like you’ve got a case of Overly-Attached Friend on your hands, and for a number of reasons, it’s probably not going to end well for your friendship. But before we even get to why and what you can do, know that this is in NO way your fault, assuming you’ve been clear with him that you do not share “more than friends” feelings with him. Unrequited love is tough to deal with on his end, but once you lay out the facts, you’ve done all you can.
At the core, this friend is being a bad friend to you and an even worse friend to your boyfriend. There’s no way around that reality, and chances are, he’s going to end up losing both of you from his group of friends because of his actions.
Rule #1 of the unspoken Guy Code is not to hit on your friend’s girlfriend. That only works in cheesy rom-coms, when in reality, it ends up with very angry people and broken friendships. Chances are, if your boyfriend gets wind of things, it will get ugly, as there is no excuse for hitting on a friend’s girlfriend. None. Whether you tell your boyfriend is completely up to you, but if this friend won’t stop hitting on you, it’s probably time to let your guy know.
Regardless of how this other guy feels about you, if you’ve told him you’re more than happy with your boyfriend and that he needs to back off, you’ve done your part and shouldn’t feel guilty when things get worse. He may try to make you feel guilty and give you a long list of reasons to give things a try, but this is just desperate, and again, disrespectful to the relationship you’re in, as well as your friendship.
Insofar as what you can do from here, you really only have two options, since you’ve told him clearly that he needs to back off because you’re not interested. The first option is completely cutting him out of your life. It’s apparent he can’t be “just” your friend, so if you want the drama gone, that’s the best route.
The second is telling your boyfriend. There’s nothing wrong with that route, but it will absolutely end your friendship with this other guy because it paints him for the shady character he is.
Whichever path you choose, the faster you pick it, the quicker you’re free from the drama.
Best of luck!
Joel Freimark has done a lot in life and seen even more. From last minute international travel to bizarre places to writing award winning books, he’s here to bring his wisdom to all your problems. He hosts a weekly advice series on Youtube and a music series also on YouTube.. No question is too outrageous or personal, so go ahead and fire away! Follow him on Twitter.
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