Ask A Guy: A Guy Left His Girlfriend For Me And Won’t Ask Me Out, What Should I Do?

Hey Joel,

I’m a junior and a new student, and I’ve had a crush on this guy who’s also a new student. We became friends and hit it off pretty well, and I learned that he has a girlfriend who goes to his old school. It hurt, but I dealt with it because we became such good friends. Then after a while he asked me if I liked him, and I didn’t lie to him. He told me he kind of liked me too, but he didn’t want to break up with his girlfriend because he loved her. I understood and we agreed to continue being friends. We were fine for a while, just like normal, but then he kissed me one day and instantly regretted it. Even after that he still chose to stay with his girlfriend. We talked about again, agreeing that we didn’t want to lose each other’s friendship and decided to just “forgive and forget.”

Here’s where the help is needed. I recently learned that he broke up with his girlfriend, and I can’t help but think it’s because of me. I don’t know what to do if he does ask me out. I really like him, but I still can’t forget that he cheated on his girlfriend with me and that he most likely broke up with her because of me. What should I do?

Everyone needs something to keep them grounded when in a new situation, and it seems the two of you found each other in your new surroundings. There’s nothing wrong with that, but it may have had something to do with why you were so quickly drawn together. Regardless, having a great friend is something that should be taken very seriously and treated carefully if you’re thinking of moving things further.

You are more than right to be a bit wary of getting into a relationship with someone who has been unfaithful before. Yes, people make mistakes from time to time, and you need to judge him on his entire character, but his cheating on his last girlfriend doesn’t bode well for where he is at in terms of maturity. The fact that you’re relativity young does give some credit to it being a one-time thing for him, but I would still tread lightly and err on the side of keeping things as they are.

More to the point, it sounds like he may be a serial dater. If he’s that quick to get another girlfriend so soon after a breakup, it says that he just doesn’t want to be single or alone. That in itself is a pretty unhealthy way to start a relationship, and you certainly don’t want to just be his rebound. Let things cool off for a bit and see how you feel in the fall.

If you already had concerns about losing the friendship you two have, that possibility hasn’t changed just because he’s single now. In fact, it’s even more likely now that things could go badly, as you’re digging deeper into things emotionally. You need to spend some time alone, thinking about whether a possible boyfriend is worth losing a close friend you have now.

If I were you, I’d keep things as they are for at least a few months. Give him time to fully get past his last relationship, and if things are still sparking between the two of you once fall rolls around, decide if trying a romantic relationship is worth possibly losing a great friend.

Best of luck!
Joel

Joel Freimark has done a lot in life and seen even more. From last minute international travel to bizarre places to writing award winning books, he’s here to bring his wisdom to all your problems. He hosts a weekly advice series on Youtube and a music series also on YouTube.. No question is too outrageous or personal, so go ahead and fire away! Follow him on Twitter.

Are you confused about a guy? Do you find yourself wondering, “What is he thinking?” Tell us everything in the comments! And if you have a question for Joel, email him at askaguy@gurl.com!

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