5 Of Your Long Distance Relationship Problems, Solved

I’m no stranger to long distance relationships. My first dabble in the whole LDR thing was with a soldier. He was in the Army, and we had a thing for a few months while he was away doing whatever dudes in the Army do while on base in Virginia. After that relationship crashed and burned (badly), I started talking to a lovely woman I met online. She was great, but the distance was weird, and we never actually met. I think we would both agree that the distance made getting to know each other and working out minor conflicts super difficult. So that was the end of that. Needless to say, I put LDRs to rest for a little while after they failed me twice.

But, the third time was a bit of a charm, IMHO. I met my now girlfriend of three-and-a-half years while at college my sophomore year. As luck would have it, she is from Oklahoma, and I am from Massacuhsetts. But she was beautiful and amazing. And I was lovestruck. So we gave it a go, despite the impending LDR situation.

For chunks out of each year, we went long distance out of necessity. School breaks will do that to you. But it (somehow) worked! Now, we happily live together in NYC and don’t have to deal with skyrocketing phone bills and horrible Internet connections to keep our relationship alive.

tumblr_mo6w95oJZd1r3kkg6o1_500

So when I say I know, believe me I do. LDRs are a whole lot of work. And they come with a whole set of unique problems. But they can definitely be worth the trouble! As an ode to my LDR past (and your possible LDR present), I wanted to answer all of your burning questions about the long distance thing. Here’s 5 of your best questions on LDRs, with simple solutions!

 

Okay, So How Do I Tell My ‘Rents?

“I’ve been avoiding telling my parents that I’m in a long distance relationship. My boyfriend and I live 11 hours away by car. But I love this boy, and he loves me. I do feel that I could have a future with him, but he’s so far away! I think my parents will flip if they find out about our relationship. Please HELP!” — Anonymous

If you really love this guy, I think it’s important you have a mature conversation with your parents about the situation. Sit them down with the intent to explain, not to fight. Tell them you are in a relationship with this boy and you are committed to making it work. And, most importantly, that you would really value their support! Then, ask them if they have questions and listen. Really listen! As with any tough convo, effective communication is really important!

If your parents flip out, chances are they are just really concerned about you and don’t want you to be hurt by a long distance love affair. Or they are hesitant to accept you dating someone who is not a tangible part of their life (or yours). It’s understandable, if you really think about it! They are in parent protection mode, which means they really, truly care about you. Obviously. But don’t let their possible negative reaction force you to keep this relationship a secret. It isn’t fair to you, your partner, or your parents. Ultimately, if you can all work together, your relationship with your parents and Sig O will be better for it. So talk it out!

kurt-blaine-skype

 

Is It Doomed Due To Distance?

“I’m in a long distance relationship and it’s great. I’m going away to college in the fall and my boyfriend is going to another university. I know people always say to end your high school relationship before going to college. But what if you are already in a great long distance relationship? I mean, I get missing out, but my boyfriend and I don’t hold each other back now…”Madeline

If you are already in an LDR that is happy and healthy for both you and your partner, there’s no harm in keeping it going while starting college. Sure, people may disagree. But it’s your call — and it sounds like what you want to do is stay with your boo! What’s important is to be sure to balance your new university life with your long term LDR. If you feel like your relationship is leaving you with major FOMO or that it’s impacting your grades, maybe it’s time to pump the brakes.

Ultimately, if your honey is super important to you, distance really doesn’t matter. Sure, it’s hard. But you know that already. If you have a relationship built on commitment, trust, and respect, it’s okay to keep that going despite what the haters say. Just make sure you and your boo are on the same page and letting each other enjoy university life, too. If things don’t work out, they don’t work out. But never let anyone tell you a happy, healthy relationship can’t exist due to distance. Sure, it takes mature, aware, and dedicated people to work it out. But if you and your partner are all of those things, university life can coexist with a strong LDR. Good luck!

tumblr_nagxhaofaJ1tebftgo1_500

 

We Want To Get Physical…But How?

“I’m in a long distance relationship with a guy I haven’t met. We just talk via the Internet and on the phone. But lately my BF has been wanting to get more sexual. What should I do?” — Sienna

Getting ~sexual~ in an LDR is really delicate territory…especially if you haven’t met in person! I understand your BF (and probably you) are both wanting to get more intimate. But getting sexy via technology can be pretty risky. Technology isn’t as personal as we’d all like to believe. Sure, flirting via text is fun. And sending a sex-coded text message isn’t the worst thing you can do in life. But let’s be careful with this situation!

If one or both of you are underage, exchanging sexy pictures or video or gettin’ busy via video chat could be considered child pornography! Yikes. My rule of thumb? If I wouldn’t want my dad seeing it, I don’t send it! Seriously. Technological “privacy” is a myth. So good ol’ dad would probably expect you to flirt with a long distance cutie. Maybe he would even be chill with a little light sexting. But sending a photo in your Victoria Secret panties…and nothing else? Let’s hold off. This sexual sacrifice that could save you a lot of trouble in the long run. Plus, relationships are a lot more than the physical! Save that part for when you and your bae are ready…and together in person. Good luck!

giphy

 

Our Dull Discussions Have Me Snoozin’

“I am currently in a long distance relationship. I love my boyfriend, but our conversations are getting dull. I need some interesting things to talk about with him. I want the relationship to still have that “spark” like when we first started dating. What should I do to get it back?”Anonymous

Don’t worry, you aren’t alone! This is something that is super common in LDRs.  My main advice? Talk about this! Seriously. You and your partner need to be open when something isn’t working in your relationship. If you need to work on getting more things to talk about, talking about this problem honestly is a great place to start. It’s obvious you want to stay with this cutie if you are reluctant to let the “spark” fade. So work together to keep it alive by addressing this issue!

Some tips to spark conversations? Start keeping a note in your phone of all the things that happen to you during the day that you want to tell someone about. Then tell your boo! Have long distance dates where you watch the same show or movie on Netflix. Then chat about it after the credits roll. Let each other in when it comes to tough situations you’re dealing with. But, most importantly, know this: sometimes relationships take work, but they shouldn’t feel like work! If every conversation is a labor, then maybe you need to reevaluate your relationship status. It’s great to work together to fix these conversation lulls. But don’t be afraid to find another cutie who you can communicate with effectively if this is more than a temporary problem. Chat away!

talking-on-phone

 

Will He Stray? Or Is Our Relationship A-OK?

“I am in a long distance relationship with a guy who lives a few states away. He said he would wait, but I doubt it because he is a guy. I believe another girl will catch his eye and he will go after her. He says he loves me, but I’m just scared he thinks he’s wasting his time. Do guys really wait for girls who live far away?”Ceirra

A really important part of any LDR (or, like, any relationship) is trust. Without trust, you are basically no where. The problem here seems to be a lack of trust between you and your guy. What you need to do is figure out if this lack of trust is warranted or is sprung out of irrational insecurities. Is your BF dropping clues that he may be unfaithful? Well, then you have reason to be concerned. Yet, from what you are telling me, it seems like he’s doing everything in his power to assure you he’s 100% committed.

If you are having a hard time believing his eyes are only on you , you need to talk to him. And you need to figure out why you are feeling this way. Working through these feelings of insecurity is the only way to be super successful partners. LDRs take a lot of honesty, a lot of commitment, and even more trust. Without all of those ingredients, the relationship isn’t going to work. You and your boo need to be totally confident that each of you is committed in order to be long distance, long term lovers. So work on building up confidence in your relationship! Best of luck!

17

 

Are you in an LDR? What problems have you run into because of the distance? Tell me all about your troubles (and LDR triumphs!) in the comments below!

 

16 unexpected struggles of being in a long distance relationship

Follow Gurl, pretty please!
FacebookTwitterTumblr and Instagram


Posted in: Love Advice
Tags: , , , ,
  • Dallas Barber

    Hi, my name is Dallas and it’s currently 3:50 am that i’m up because of my problem lol but Me and My Boyfriend are still in high school and we started dating almost a year ago before he moved down to Alabama, while I still live in our home state of Delaware. This week (of March 26 2017 – March 31st) he came up for his Spring Break. I spent time with him on the Saturday, Sunday, Tuesday and Thursday. He was leaving Saturday morning. Back on Monday, he promised me that Friday we would hang out for the last time before he left. On Thursday, he got invited to go to the movies with a couple of ‘friends’ who i also spoke to. I was pretty upset i wasn’t invited because i speak to them more than he does. But i calmed down and ignored it. He calls me saying that it got canceled and now he wants to hang out with me. So after convincing my parents, i take him out to the movies that night. He also tells me that night that he’s going Bowling with My ‘friends’ on Friday. I was heartbroken when he said my so called friend asked him that day and he said yes. He had completely forgotten about us hanging out and when i told him about it, he said “oh well”. Last night he went bowling and here i was crying because was just so frustrated. I dont want to seem clingy or even possessive but the last people…people to see him before he left was my friends. not me but my friends. It seems like i’m the second choice to him and everyone else. I do suffer from mental health issues but these things are make my matters worse, I really some advice so when he comes up again, maybe it will be easier.

  • EmmaTheEnderGirl

    Hello! My name is Emma! I am 14 years old, and I’ve been in a LDR with my boyfriend for about 7 months now. My parents found out about my LDR about 5 months ago. As soon as we talked, we knew that this was it. This is what we wanted to do. I love him, and he loves me. He listens to my problems, talks to me about his problems, and we like the same things. We both don’t care what people say about our LDR. We’re happy, and that’s all that matters!
    But, lately, I’ve been having a problem. My parents hate my LDR. Absolutely hate it! They think that he’ll abandon me, and that I’ll eventually learn how “wrong” it is to have a LDR with a boy that is the same age as me. But, he’s never abandoned me! Not even once… I wish I could just show my parents how kind and amazing he is to me… He really sees me as a kind girl… and I really see him as a sweet, handsome guy… This just feels so right… How do I show my parents that he’s the one? Please help!

  • Olivia

    Hi! So I just recently started an LDR with my boyfriend. Ok here’s some back story. Basically he went to my school last school year and moved during the summer. We dated then but my friend put a shit ton of pressure on us and we broke up. He lives in Florida and I live in Massachusetts. So recently we started talking again and I asked him if he still had feelings for me and he said yes and I did too. So we started dating and we both like each other a lot and he comes back up in the summer and I’m super excited and neev about seeing him. My mom doesn’t know that I’m dating anyone and our 1 week is coming up but I don’t know how to tell my mom!! If someone could help that would be FANTASTIC!! Thanks. Oh yeah I’m almost 14 and he’ll be 15 in November!

  • Rachel Marks

    Hi my name is Rachel and I currently have been in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend Mike for the past 3 weeks now – been talking online for a bit over 2 months now in total. My parents don’t know about him. I once attempted to talk to my mum about how I was talking to a friend online and she flipped. I couldn’t even tell her that I am in love with this amazing man let alone tell her his name or anything. She shut me down completely which is why I’m completely scared to tell my mum, dad and brother about him. If anyone has any advice on how they told their rents (family) about their LDR boyfriend I’d appreciate it. I am planning on meeting him in person in a couple of months time in 2017 (this year) and very excited nervous about it. Advice is appreciated as I am in this sticky situation. I attempted to tell her he is 11 years older than me. I am 25 and he is 36. Age is just a number and he is so genuine and caring. My family is way too over protective I find it hard to tell them when I am in a romantic relationship let alone when I have a boyfriend. it’s hard for me to open up to them about this stuff. My close friends know about him and my close online friends know about him. But my parents don’t know about him. My boyfriend Mike lives in USA and I live in Australia btw. Help!!

  • Maddie Matyasse

    Hi, my name is Maddie. I’m 13 going 14 in 2 months. I’m in a LDR as well. I live in Iowa, US and my boyfriend, Kyan, lives in South Carolina. We met on Kik and we’ve been dating for almost 3 months. Kyan is so kind, polite, funny, cheesy, caring, protective, smart, difficult, loving intelligent, and cute. He just turned 14. We FaceTime almost all the time to talk to each other and catch up with each other’s lives. I have to FaceTime him down in the basement so I don’t get caught and he has to as well. I honesty wouldn’t change a thing about our relationship. But there are a few big problems. Neither of our parents know we’re in a LDR and both of our parents would literally throw a shit-fit if they found out. I’ve had a long distance relationship in the past, I didn’t meet him but we still facetimed and texted. My parents didn’t know about that one either. My parents have caught me on Kik multiple times before and took my phone away. I’ve tried talking nicely with my parents about a LDR but all they do is argue with me and look at only the not so positive things about being in a LDR. They’ve never said a positive thing about a LDR. Every time I get caught my parents and I end up getting physical and hit, yell and scream at each other. I usually end up crying over my online friends (and yes I have another friend online that lives in Kentucky, and we FaceTime all the time too) because my parents say very rude things about them. Kyan is very hurt about the things my parents said about him. He even said, “why would they judge me like that when they don’t even know me? They don’t even want to try to get to know me.” I cried myself to sleep that night knowing he was hurt and my parents were being like that. I just don’t get why they’re so protective. They always worry about me getting kidnapped and raped by someone. And I mean always. So one night Kyan and I were facetiming and we were talking about meeting someday. I thought maybe we could soon. As we talked about it I soon came up with an idea. He could pretend like we were old school friends but I moved and I could come visit him. But the only problem about that one was we can’t really say we were old school friends because he’s never been here and I’ve never been to South Carolina, which means our parents would figure out that we weren’t really school friends because if we met they’d be like, “you’re from (name of my town) right?!” And they’d be like umm no. And there would be confusion and they’d find out. That night we facetimed was about a month ago. I still think about meeting him to this very day nonstop. So my question is, what excuse/lie should I give to my parents in order to meet my boyfriend, Kyan? Please help!!!

  • Laura Nuñez

    Hi, I’m 16 soon to be 17 in two days !
    I have a LDR too… And it’s quite a story …. The guy I’m dating ( weird to say due to the fact it’s my first relationship and LDR) is 20. It might sound really crazy but I’ve never seen him in person or in any picture …. I met him through a friend … Well my friend was dating him first she borrowed my phone one day to text him. Then days later we started texting it was nothing bad just a usual conversation.. but this happened when I was 12 years old he was 16? Then as the months passed we started texting on the daily … Bam I started to have feelings for him .. then .. I asked him if he was still going out with my friend and he said no … And at this time she moved … So I messaged her on IG showed her the number and told her if she remembered him and she had no clue !!! … After 4 years of texting as friends I obviously grew feelings for him … I tried asking him to send a picture because I’ve been wanting to know how he looks like everytime I asked he pretended like if that message was never sent to him … So I left it there and never asked him again we both live in California but he lives 3 hours away. My whole family knows about him and how long we’ve been texting … It’s been five years now going to 6 years that we’ve been texting. He says he loves(after te five years be tilde he loves me on 2016) me and I do too he says he wants to see me so bad and take me on dates … I understand he works during the week and the distance .. but we’ve been dating for 2 months now I talked to my cousin about him .. and she thought it was really weird how he hasnt sent me pictures she says that guys don’t really care how they come out in pictures and it’s not fair because he now’s how I look. I told to him about again to at least prove to me I’m talking to the person he tells me he is … But when I told him that he go upset and told me why do I question him after all these years … And never send me anything never said yes it’s me or no its not. I left it like that … I’m on a club team for basketball … So our first game was in Oakland which is pretty close to him I told him about it and he got excited he’s the one that told me he would to see me play.. so I told him when and where I was playing … He never showed up to any game I had which was 3. two on Saturday and one on Sunday. I tried not getting mad … I asked him why he didnt show up and he said because I said we were playing in Oakland but the gym was in Alameda … Big difference it was down town … Then he put other excuses … And I really really do love him … But I’ve never seen him he says supposedly he’s coming for my Birthday and taking me out … But what if he doesn’t again … Am I waisting time with him ?? Or should I be with him still even if we have our ups and downs? He says he really loves me and he doesn’t want me walking out of his life
    I’m really confused about this and I need help !!!!! Please

    • Dove Willow

      That’s honestly really sketchy. And even though you have been texting him for years, he can still be a dangerous person or maybe he isn’t who you think he is.
      Besides texting, have you /talked/ to him? Do you know what he sounds like? Do you chat online?
      If he loves you that much and it’s been nearly 6 years… he would’ve shown you what he looked like. You may be wasting your time.

  • Freya

    Hi, i am 13 years old from england. I only recently turned 13 too. Anyway, i have a boyfriend who lives in saudi arabia ( he is from the filipines) and i dont have a clue how to tell my parents. My boyfreind is 15, soon to be 16 and im not sure how they are going to react.
    My parents are not realy over protective or anything but they would actually give a damn. I really want to tell my parents about him because i want to be able to share him with not only them, but my friends. He is amazing and lightens up my days but the only shadow in the way is my parents. Plus i really want to meet him in the future but being at this young age, i need my parents.
    please help!

  • Ayanna Lawrence

    Ok here goes, I’ve been talking to this guy who lives in California and he is just so amazing. He’s funny, weird, intelligent, really cute, caring, kind, compassionate, and so on. Even though I live all the way in New Jersey we’ve become really great friends now, and its been 5 months. I am moving back to California in the fall which is where I use to live. So, should I ask him to be in a relationship now or wait until I move there? But if I do now, will that ruin or close friendship?