Ask A Guy: Is It My Fault My Boyfriend Flirts With Other Girls?

Hey Joel,

I’m  currently 19 and the guy I’m in a relationship with is 21. We have been together for almost 2 years, and along the road we have been through good and bad times. There were a couple of times when I was with him, a few girls texted him calling him “baby.” I got upset and asked him why. He replied that the girl wanted to call him “baby” so he just let her call him “baby.” However, few months back, he deactivated his Facebook and created a new one. I was upset with him and asked him why. He said he wanted to watch Facebook videos on Facebook. So I forgave him, but recently I had a sudden urge to hack into his Facebook (I know it’s bad, but I was curious). I saw him talking to so many girls saying that he is single and asking for their numbers and talking to them. I don’t know what to do anymore. What did I do wrong to make him flirt with so many girls behind my back?

First and foremost, it’s NEVER your fault when someone is unfaithful to you. No ifs, ands or buts – N.E.V.E.R. If he is unhappy in the relationship, he should have the respect to formally and properly end things with you before he starts pursuing other people. The fact that he’s doing things behind your back shows a lack of respect for you, as well as being plain cowardly.

When he started doing shady things like making a new Facebook account so he could talk to other girls, it would have been best to end things right then and there. But it’s understandable that you want to try to trust someone you love, even if they do something wrong. If he is telling other people that he’s single, then go ahead and make him single. Anyone who is clearly dishonest and deceptive shouldn’t be trusted any further, and you’ll find a better, honest guy!

If those realties aren’t enough for you to cut him loose, don’t you think you deserve more than just being a second choice or a safety net? Are you content being a backup plan while he goes out trying to find someone he prefers more than you? Obviously not. For whatever reason, he is looking for something different than he has with you, and the longer you stay with him, the more of your own time you’re wasting.

Strike one was the questionable texts, strike two was the second Facebook account, and strike three was him telling people he’s single. He’s out, and it’s time for you to look him in the eye and show him the door. Due to the trust he’s broken in so many ways, I don’t think your relationship is fixable, or even worth fixing, so the sooner you kick him to the curb, the better.

From everything you said, it just seems that it’s not the right fit. You need to separate the habit of being with him from what is actually good and healthy for you and your future. There are plenty of amazing, honest guys out there waiting to meet you, so end it ASAP and start living for yourself!

Best of luck!

Joel Freimark has done a lot in life and seen even more. From last minute international travel to bizarre places to writing award winning books, he’s here to bring his wisdom to all your problems. He hosts a weekly advice series on Youtube and a music series also on YouTube.. No question is too outrageous or personal, so go ahead and fire away! Follow him on Twitter.

Are you confused about a guy? Do you find yourself wondering, “What is he thinking?” Tell us everything in the comments! And if you have a question for Joel, email him at!

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Posted in: Ask A Guy, Love Advice
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  • Mankirat kaur

    IM confused about my bf he’s been talking with other girls even he never know about her he’s not interested in me don’t like to talk with me