Ask A Guy: How Can You Seem More Approachable To Guys?

Hey Joel,

I’ve been told on plenty of occasions that I am unapproachable. People will say “I’m attracted to you, but you just kind of intimidate me”. How do I deal with this? How can I become more approachable to guys?

I have heard this said so many times over the years. There are countless reasons why guys may see a girl as too intimidating to talk to or date. Whether it’s some aspect of your physical appearance, your intellect or the way you carry yourself, in almost every case there’s absolutely no reason to compromise any of who you are for the sake of guys having the courage to approach you. In nearly every situation, it’s their lacking or shortcoming; not yours!

One place to start solving the problem is to take a long, honest look at yourself, and try to identify what exactly it is that is keeping guys at arms’ length. If it’s the way you are externally, I’ve no doubt there are a few tweaks you can make to appear more open without giving up any of your identity. If you aren’t sure what exactly it is, just ask the guys who tell you they’re intimidated what aspect of your persona is too much for them. Hopefully they give you a real response that you can consider, and not some blow-off answer.

Along with doing some introspection, maybe you actually need to be a bit more proactive with guys you are interested in. If they are too intimidated to approach you, there’s nothing saying you can’t approach them and start the conversation. Even if you’re not the intimidating-type, if you see something you like, go for it! Taking the first step can be the one that makes you far more approachable and for many guys, that sort of confidence is a huge turn-on. Plus, you making the first move completely eliminates any of the intimidation factor. Win-win!

At the same time, do you really want to date a guy who is intimidated by you? Guys with confidence who are comfortable in their manhood are not a rare thing, and you shouldn’t have to compromise. Maybe you need to adjust the circles you run in to try and find a guy more fitting of your style. Be proud of who you are in every way, and don’t be afraid to take the first step towards something you want!

Best of luck!

Joel Freimark has done a lot in life and seen even more. From last minute international travel to bizarre places to writing award winning books, he’s here to bring his wisdom to all your problems. He hosts a weekly advice series on Youtube and a music series also on YouTube.. No question is too outrageous or personal, so go ahead and fire away! Follow him on Twitter.


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