Ask A Guy: What Does It Mean If He Says I Love You Right Away?

Hi Joel,

I have a question. So, my boyfriend I just started dating a couple of days ago, and he’s already saying, “I love you” or “I miss you.” I kind of think it’s a little too soon, but I was thinking that maybe since he has liked me for a long time that he started to love me already. Is it a bad thing that it’s going a little too fast? Or maybe he’s just saying it because he thinks he should?

It’s always great to hear that someone misses you, but if you’ve only been together for a few days, any note of him being extremely serious with that comment is reason to be a bit worried. Beyond that, dropping “I love you” at any point under one month is absolutely too soon, and if it’s been as little time as you say, while it might not be a red flag, it’s certainly a shade of crimson.

When someone says “I love you” that quickly, it can speak to a number of possible insecurities at worst, and an inability to properly identify emotions at best. He is likely beyond happy that the two of you are together, and is getting caught up in the emotion. If he has never had a serious relationship before, it may just be that he doesn’t have proper perspective, and he may not say it again until he actually understands and feels “real” love.

That all being said, there is no real time frame when someone should or shouldn’t say “I love you,” but either extreme is something of concern. Just like it’s weird for him to be saying it after only a few days, if it’s been months and months, there comes a point where you’re either in it all the way, or it’s time to move on. I’ve covered the question of how long you should wait before, but know that it is very similar to someone jumping the gun as much as your new guy has.

In many ways, I think you need to wait and see how things progresses. If it was just a one off occurrence, I’d chalk it up to him being caught up in the moment and let it slide. But if it becomes a persistent thing he says, you are going to need to either address it or let him go.

So if you’re wondering if it’s time to run from what might be an overly-obsessed-boyfriend candidate, I’d say no. Give things some time to build naturally, and be open with how you feel. If he persists with being way too far ahead of where you feel things are at, it’s likely the wrong relationship, but only time will tell on that one.

Best of luck!
Joel

Joel Freimark has done a lot in life and seen even more. From last minute international travel to bizarre places to writing award winning books, he’s here to bring his wisdom to all your problems. He hosts a weekly advice series on Youtube and a music series also on YouTube.. No question is too outrageous or personal, so go ahead and fire away! Follow him on Twitter.

 

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Posted in: Ask A Guy, Love Advice
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  • Patriarchy Pete

    If a man says I love you after only a couple days/dates, run like hell.