I’m best friends with this dude. When we are alone at night, we’ll cuddle for hours. We’ve never kissed, but our lips have literally been millimeters apart. He doesn’t move away and neither do I. He always puts his lips to my neck and his hand under my shirt (although never too high). We are always holding hands, and I’m almost always laying on him or vice versa. He respects me, that much I know.
We see each other every day and confide in each other about almost everything. He always sticks up for me, and we do everything together. The thing is: aside from the times when we’re alone and cuddling, he treats me as only a friend. A really good friend, but just a friend. He is always saying how much he loves me, but he has always said that he loves me as his friend. I am desperately confused. I know he would never mean to hurt me, but I’m not sure if he actually likes me or just wants to be close because I’m a chick and he’s lonely. I’m aware that he really wants a girlfriend and he’s not shy. Help!
The line between friends and more than friends is one of the most dangerous there is, and once you cross it, it’s almost impossible to come back from. Along with that, you risk losing a dear friend if things go awry, so above all else, be very careful with how you handle this situation.
From what you’ve said, it’s obvious that there is a very solid connection between the two of you, and it certainly sounds like he’s given some signals saying he might be up for moving things to the next level. I believe there is a ton to be said for the idea of your partner being your best friend, and since you seem to have that covered already, you’ve got one of the biggest relationship hurdles out of the way.
Again though, he may really just want to be amazingly close friends with you, and you need to respect that. However, you certainly have a right to know if more could come of things, and the last thing you want is to find out ten years from now what could have been. Nothing stings like regret.
However, the fact that he seems to have openly stated that he just wants you as a friend should give you ample caution. He may be more concerned about protecting your friendship, and if that’s the case, you may want to be proactive about toning down how much touching goes on between you. Chances are, it’s those moments of physical intimacy that are causing your confusion – and with good reason.
That being said, in many ways, it comes down to one simple fact: if you don’t ask, you don’t get.
If you want things to move to the next level with him, I say go for it. If he hasn’t made a move, there’s no reason you can’t take the first step. You two already share so many non-physical, intimate situations that the transition should be pretty easy. The next time you’re super close, just move in for the kiss and see what happens. Hopefully he’s on the same page, and it will be the beginning of an awesome relationship.
Best of luck!
Joel Freimark has done a lot in life and seen even more. From last minute international travel to bizarre places to writing award winning books, he’s here to bring his wisdom to all your problems. He hosts a weekly advice series on Youtube and a music series also on YouTube.. No question is too outrageous or personal, so go ahead and fire away! Follow him on Twitter.