There are exceptions to every rule, but one girl code I’ve always lived by is this one: don’t date your friend’s ex. Don’t hook up with your friend’s ex, don’t talk about how you like your friend’s ex, don’t get into a relationship with your friend’s ex…. just stay away from someone a friend dated.
I’ll tell you a little story to explain why I feel this way. When I was in high school, my best friend went behind my back and started dating my ex-boyfriend when I went on vacation. I was devastated, especially because she knew I still had feelings for him. At first, we got in a huge fight and I thought we would never be friends again. Then I missed her, we made up, and I tried to pretend I was okay with her dating him. I wasn’t. Hearing her talk about him was torture for me, being with them together was even harder. I was miserable, angry, and felt so betrayed, but I was trying to hide it because I didn’t want to lose my friend.
In the end, things didn’t work out with them… and after they broke up, him and I got close again, and we started dating. I could tell she wasn’t thrilled, and our friendship became more about jealousy than anything else. We got in a fight, and after that, we really did stop being friends forever. I still miss her sometimes, and I still wish he was never in the picture.
Dating a friend’s ex is just messy, no matter how you put it. Unless they hooked up only once and she really doesn’t care about him at all, you just shouldn’t go near someone your friend had real feelings for. Still not convinced? Here are 8 reasons you should never date your friend’s ex.
She'll Care Even If She Says She Doesn'tIt doesn't matter how many times your friend says she doesn't mind you dating her ex: I bet she does, in some way. Yes, there are exceptions to everything, but in the majority of cases, the friend will lie. Either they don't want to feel stupid, they really do want to be okay with it, or they want to try to avoid unnecessary drama. I know that when I lied about being okay with my friend dating my ex, it was because I didn't want to look like the lame girl who couldn't move on, and because I really didn't want to lose my friend, even though I was mad at her.
It's Not Nice, Especially If She Still Likes HimWhen it comes down to it, this really just isn't a nice thing to do. It doesn't feel good to see your ex with someone new, whether you're over him or not. And it REALLY doesn't feel good to see your ex with one of your good friends! In fact, it feels awful. Are you okay with making your friend feel terrible so that you can feel good?
You Could Lose Your FriendThere is a very good chance that you could lose your friend here, and you have to ask yourself: is he worth it? I mean, he probably isn't. If this girl is a good friend to you and has always been there for you, why risk losing her?
You Wouldn't Like It If Someone Did It To YouHow would you feel if one of your besties started dating your ex? You would probably feel very hurt and betrayed. You would probably start wondering if they always felt this way about each other. You might start worrying that things were going on behind your back when you were dating him. You might start to question everyone around you. It doesn't feel good, and you wouldn't want someone to make you feel this way, so... you know what they say. Treat others how you want to be treated. Source: ShutterStock
Things Will Be Pretty AwkwardEven if you have your friend's permission, things are going to be a little awkward. Adjusting to this new dynamic won't be easy for anyone. Plus, when other people find out you two are dating, you know they're going to talk about it - and even though you should never care about what other people think or say, it will definitely make you feel weird and could put a strain on your relationship. And if your friend isn't okay with it? Things get even more awkward and confusing.
You Might Lose Other Friends TooIf your friend gets really angry that you're dating her ex and you two stop being friends, chances are, you'll lose at least one more friend. In situations like these, friends tend to stick together, and since your friend is the victim here, she just might get the supporters, leaving you alone with no one by your side. Sure, this doesn't always happen, but it could. Source: ShutterStock
You Might Get Weirdly JealousEven if your friend doesn't seem weird about things, you might actually be the one who does feel weird about stuff. Without even meaning for it to happen, you might start to compare your relationship to their relationship. You might start questioning everything he does with you. You might get really jealous of the two of them talking at all. And jealousy in a relationship is never good. Source: ShutterStock
Hanging Out In A Group Will Be ConfusingLook at the cast of Gossip Girl. They basically all dated each other, and they all kind of hated each other too. I don't know how they ever got together in one room without strangling each other. The point is, your friend group dynamic might be shot. How are you and your BF supposed to hang out with your friends if everyone feels totally awkward about you two being together?
Have you ever dated a friend’s ex? Why did you do it? Did a friend ever date your ex? How did it feel? Tell me in the comments.